[apsufan82]

DH and I have been married for 2 years 7 months now. We are 23 & 25. We both want a child and talk about it at least every other day. Right now, we are living pay check to pay check and I don't know how we could afford it. In addition we have no room. We live in an old farmhouse with only 1 bedroom. We've discussed making the "middle room" (it was used as a bedroom in the old days but it is where the main door to the house is and our office) a nursery. But this would only be acceptable as a nursery and we would have to move within 4-5 years. We also don't know for sure if we would be good parents. We want our own child, but neither one of us like to make over other people's children.

I am wondering if any of you had a child when you didn't have the money or space and wish you would have waited? Or did you wait to have a child and wish you hadn't? Any advice/ideas would be appreciated.

[NJMom]

Honestly, it's such a personal decision. And don't worry about whether you will be good parents-- I think everyone feels that way until their sweet little baby is born and their world changes forever and they can't imagine life before it was born. Good luck deciding what to do-- you are smart to think it through.

[careyberry]

I agree that you should talk with your husband and decide what is best.

We didn't plan for any of ours. And no matter what our circumstances...that baby was a blessing. All the little details, and what if's and doubts, were just wrong. God took care of us.

Sounds like your ready!

And your children will not be like everyone elses. They are yours!

[wildpookey]

I say "Just Do It".

When the time comes, you will make space and cut down on expenses so that you can support the child.

It sounds like you and your husband are mature enough to have a baby and will do whatever it takes to support the child.

[amcguirk]

It's a very personal decision.
My husband was 25 and I was 26 when we decided to have a baby. We had some personal goals we wanted to accomplish first. I finished my master's degree and we bought a home.
I can tell you that if you're waiting until everything is "perfect", you will never have a child. We discussed what things we wanted first, and then started trying once those things were "crossed off our list". It took us 3 or 4 months to get pregnant once we decided we were ready.
And, as far as how you'll be....don't worry! That baby will have you wrapped around it's finger the moment it arrives!
Good luck making your decison!

[apsufan82]

Thanks so much. Ya'll are so sweet. One time i was listening to Dave Ramsey and a woman asked a question like mine and he said that if you want a child bad enough you should have it. He said being prepared is great and having enough money is great, but when you deasperatly want a child you should just go on and have one.

We have already made decisons like I will stay home (I already am), we will home school, what we will and won't do as far as discipline. We do isagree on some things, but I guess every couple does. I think we both know what we don't want to as a result of our own parents, but I suppose that is common too! We both a BS in English (Don't judge me I make sooooo many spelling mistakes!) . Dh works full time and 1 part time job occasionally. So, I do think we are ready, I think that main decision is based on the house/no room thing. I'm so worried about still having to live in this house when we have a 16 year old and having to walk through their room to get to ours!

[erp0620]

We had always wanted children. We lived in an apartment when we started trying and had been living in our house for a couple of years before we found the right drug that allowed us to become pregnant. I don't want to be a downer or anything, but a normal healthy couple takes on AVERAGE 12 months to get pregnant. So just because you decide to start trying doesn't mean it's going to happen immediately. Plus, as far as money and space are concerned, you've got 9 months to prepare from this point at LEAST! Good luck with your decision!

[bargainshopper]

The only baby that I planned was my last. I have three. I love my children to death, and I wouldn't change anything, but only the last was planned. even then it wasn't going as fast as we wanted so we decided that we would stop "trying" atas we had just bought our first home and wanted to concentrate on making that work and try to start saving. that is the moment I got preggers!! I don't think my DH was ready for it but I was ready to get to the baby part and get them going so that we could eventually have our life somewhat the two of us as we never had that. I had the first two before we got together so we were an instant family!

Also I don't know that anyone is fully "ready" for a baby. they are really a lot of work and money and love and all that good stuff, but there are so many ways to be prepared for the bundle of joy to come! I wish that i had known about this site while I was pregnant as I would be so much better off then we are now. We are getting back on our feet now! I have been able to stay out of work for 18 months and I thought I would be going back to work before I found this site! Then things just started to flow the way we needed it to!

As to waiting or not waiting. My take is you will never be fully ready financially, but you will make it all work out one way or the other. The space will happen for you. If you are giving yourself 4-5 years to move that is a lot of time.

I was 18 when I had my first. I didn't have a great job, but I had great parents and support. I wasn't married, but I was with my DD father. We lived with my parents and then bought a mobile home as that is what we could afford. You make your situation work for you.

Sorry that was really long winded..

[LACECOUPONS]

We did not plan any of my kids,but i love them both,i wish i had a third.

[caseyrusso]

there was a thread i started, asking people what to think about before having kids... you might want to search for that, i got some great advice. i don't know how to link to it, maybe someone can help me??

[BStroh]

My DH and I planned to get pregnant. We were married for about 2 years when we had our first, and only. He's now 16 mo. We just decided that we would start trying.
It sounds like you have thought through a lot of things already. You can make your house work for you, be creative. Can you make your bedroom the "Middle" bedroom and give the baby your bedroom?
Just think, if you get a different/bigger house- would you have to go to work then?

[apsufan82]

Originally Posted by BStroh

My DH and I planned to get pregnant. We were married for about 2 years when we had our first, and only. He's now 16 mo. We just decided that we would start trying.
It sounds like you have thought through a lot of things already. You can make your house work for you, be creative. Can you make your bedroom the "Middle" bedroom and give the baby your bedroom?
Just think, if you get a different/bigger house- would you have to go to work then?

Yeah, I have thought a lot about the bedroom situations. The thing about making our bedroom the nursery is that we keep that room shut off during the day so we dont have to heat/cool it. we dont have central heat/air. Also, that room has some mold due to a back room (that backs up to the bedroom) being unusable b/c the roof is bad and it rains in the backroom. So, the middle room would be better as far as air quality and tempature. There is a door that you can enter the house from through the living room is necessary (its a skeleton key, but has a dead bolt).

[jl531]

I've always said that if we waited until we were "ready" - financially, house-wise, etc... - we'd never have any! Somehow, things always work out (financially, house-wise, etc...). Having children is THE BEST thing in the world! We planned #1 and #2 - tried and tried for #3 (which finally happened) - and we VERY surprised to be pregnant with #4. There will only be 18 months between #3 and #4 - and that scares the heck out of me! BUT - I know everything will be OK!

Good luck in your decision. You sound like a VERY mature couple!

[SophiesMommy]

personaly i think that is something you and your husband should decide. both my girls were suprises and the best suprises god has EVER given me. yes there are times when we have no money and times are tuff but i still would not change it for the world. those smiles my girls give me are priceless. as my husband says "theres always a way"

[tootsie roll]

It really is a personal decision and you and your dh will know what is best.

Personally, we had some goals that we wanted to accomplish. We were married for 5 years when dd was born last year (I was 29, dh was 32 when she was born). We wanted the opportunity to travel and volunteer. We bought a house, paid off our car loans, and saved up lots of money so that I could stay home with dd for at least a year. It made us feel secure knowing that we had money in the bank in case we needed it. We just felt like something was missing and knew it was time to start a family. Fortunately, I found AFC and have been able to make our money stretch farther than I ever imagined. I do have a part time job at a tutoring center (2 nights a week) so I can get out of the house and dh has some alone time with dd.

We are now planning on moving to the northeast to be closer to our families in NJ and MD, and are planning to get settled in up there before we try for #2. We are very happy with the decisions we made. Again, you and your dh will know what is best for you Good luck

[SoccerMama]

I have heard people say you will never have enough money so it's best to just do it. I agree with this to a point. I mean, if the parents don't have jobs or are still in school then I would say wait but this isn't your situation. My best advice, if you haven't done this already, is to learn to live on 1 income. DH & me did this for the 5 years we were married prior to having our first child. I always wanted to stay home so we saved a bunch, got the dream home and I was able to have my career. It's not that we didn't try to have children earlier but it just didn't work out that way.

Since you and DH and still young you could always set a financial goal--let's say that you work for the next 1-2 years and sock away every penny YOU earn. You can use this money for a down payment on a home or a bigger home or a reliable car--whatever you decide. You can try to have a baby after 1 year or something like that.

Just be warned, you may not get pregnant right away so don't let people tell you that you have soooo much time because you never know what your body will do.

And keep following Dave Ramsey-he's the man!

[wannasavemoney]

it is very personal and a huge step in your life and relationship. If you feel the house is too small think about how long it will take for you to move into something bigger. I was 22 and DH was 28 when we had our first huge surprise but i think the best things that has ever happened to us, then DS at 24. you are still younger and have some time. so Its OK to wait a while till you feel you have some more space or resources. just do not wait to long

[vkearney]

My DD was an accidental blessing. All plans went out the window, but not too far into the yard.

[mrsanderton2205]

When i got pregnant we were if it happens it happens and that took all of 2 weeks! we were living paycheck to paycheck in a small trailer so the 9 months being pregnant we payed every little bill of we could and moved to a house with room for 3 i feared i would not be a great parent even though i had loved and cared for my neices and nephews and i had a different idea of what i thought parenting would be and what it is it is way harder than i though. in my mind baby comes home eats sleeps poops cry but my ds cryed more than any of the other 3. so my perfect mom idea disolved very quickly i would not trade him or that experence for the world and im going though the should we have another stage i love and miss my baby because he is a big boy now but with the stress of school and every thing else i know we should wait but whenever i seen a new baby it always makes me want another you will know in your heart of hearts when it is time dont let money be the only reason because you will indeed find true love and your heart will grow a million times over once you have a baby!
sorry so long

[QueenAngie]

Most babies take 9 months to arrive, so you will have plenty of time to plan and rearrange your home.

DH and I waited almost 5 years before DS#1 was born. Don't wait that long. That was crazy.

If you wish to have 'that trip,'
'that car,'
'that vacation,'
'that home,'
'that much money in the bank,'
then, you will never have a child.

What about a small divider in the middle room to make it a baby room?

When you hold that little newborn in your arms for the first time, you will totally be in love and know you and DH will be great parents!

Good luck!

[Natesmom]

I agree that there never is a "perfect" time to have a baby. For most of us we will never feel like we have enough money to raise a family. My husband and I were blessed with a surprise baby (my DH) I was very sick and NOTHING was going right with my body and I didnt even know until I was 4 months along. We've had 2 miscarriages as well. I keep thinking where will we put another baby if we are so blessed to have one but I certainly won't let that stop me! Somehow we'll figure everything out and I am sure you would too! Good luck with whatever you decide.

[philomena83]

I agree, I don't think there is ever the perfect time to have a baby. If you both feel like you are too financially strapped to be able to afford it, then that is something you will have to work out, but my second was born 1 year after my first, and we didn't know how we were going to do it. Somehow it worked out though!

[BridgetV]

It really is a personal decision. DH & I are not in the greatest financial state either. We live paycheck to paycheck and rent a one bedroom condo. It was important to us to have a baby, though. I did not want to wait until we may or may not have had more money. Not to get too personal, but DH & I suspected we would have problems conceiving (and we were right) and I didn't wait til I was 30+ years to find out that we were going to have those problems. As it was, it look 2 1/2 yrs before I got pregnant. Some people would call us irresponsible, but I've found the older that I get, the less concerned I am with what people think.
Truthfully, I've always put being happy above how much money we've earned. We do struggle, but having our little boy was the best thing that has ever happened to us. We do what we have to do and go without when the situation warrants it (ie: our son needs something).
I would think long and hard about what you and your DH want. The only thing I would suggest is to make sure you are able to have the basics for baby covered. And by basics I mean food, shelter, (no matter what that shelter may be), and well being (health). Will you be able to pay for the baby's food? Will you be able to keep the utilities on? Will you be able to pay for the baby's health visits (through insurance or your own paycheck).
Good Luck. I hope everything works out.