[CM_ANGEL]

Potty Training

This story is for anyone who has ever potty-trained or plans to potty train a child or those of you who can afford to sit back and laugh at those of us who do.

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.

By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several
embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

''Mommy, are you gonna go potty?

Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy?

Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?

Mommy, what are you doing?

Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?'

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full .. 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued:

'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you?

Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy!

Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty?

Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!

Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere.

Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!'

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her?

Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some.
'No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies.

Oh! Mommy!'

He started to gag at this point.

'Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up.

Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!!

Dat is so gross!!'

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. I f I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!'

He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.

'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy?

You wooking under da door?

What were you wooking at?

Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?'

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'

He started pounding on the door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!'

I saw that my 'wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity y and privacy?' But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

[lesliec]

This is awesome.

[Aprilmar10]

Oh my! I cant even imagine! LOL

[Kmchamplin]

I have read this at least 10 times before and I still crack up as I read it.

[kristieboyd]

LOL...yeah, that's where I am right now with my 3 yo DS! DD took him to the bathroom yesterday at Target as I was checking out. Next thing I know, he comes running out towards me, screaming at the top of his lungs "MAMA!! I went dodos in the potty!! I went dodos in the potty!!"

All you can do is smile!

[Mom2ThreeLovesCVS]

Too funny

[grace.maddie]

, my two year old dd today at the store ..." mommy i need go foop! oh, mommy, i need do big foop now! i hold in my foop mommy, i will hold it in. oh, here it comes mama, foop commin out! foop commin out! hurry run i NEED FOOP NOW!!!!!!" i run thru the store with all the kids and into the bathroom she sits on the potty for exactly half a second then says "i not need go potty right now.i just farted"

[kristieboyd]

Originally Posted by grace.maddie

, my two year old dd today at the store ..." mommy i need go foop! oh, mommy, i need do big foop now! i hold in my foop mommy, i will hold it in. oh, here it comes mama, foop commin out! foop commin out! hurry run i NEED FOOP NOW!!!!!!" i run thru the store with all the kids and into the bathroom she sits on the potty for exactly half a second then says "i not need go potty right now.i just farted"

OMG! That is SO my DS! Even DH laughed when i read it to him! 99.9% of the time, he NEVER goes...not at home, not in public, no where. However, every time we are in a store, resturant, etc. he ALWAYS announces, quite loudly, that he "needs to do a dodos!". And then he says it over and over and over until we go to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom he looks at the toliet, then looks at me and announces, "My dodos went bye-bye, mama!"

[batgirlandrobin]

oh great! THIS is what I have to look forward to now eh?! I KNEW I should not have been excited about him talking!

[kristieboyd]

Originally Posted by batgirlandrobin

oh great! THIS is what I have to look forward to now eh?! I KNEW I should not have been excited about him talking!

Yeah....once they start talking, it'd pretty much downhill from there. Kids do, in fact, say the darndest things. In the shower the other day DS asked me if my pee-pee fell off! He was quite concerned about it's location!

[batgirlandrobin]

Originally Posted by kristieboyd

Yeah....once they start talking, it'd pretty much downhill from there. Kids do, in fact, say the darndest things. In the shower the other day DS asked me if my pee-pee fell off! He was quite concerned about it's location!

ROFL!!!!! ROFL!!!! LOLOL

[grace.maddie]

Originally Posted by batgirlandrobin

ROFL!!!!! ROFL!!!! LOLOL

rotflmao! that a good one! dd saw me in the bathroom shortly after i had the baby and asked me why i had a bandaid in my panties. and then preceeded to tell everyone for a full YEAR that you have to wear underware bandaids if you have a baby.

[kristieboyd]

Yeah...he also asked DH if he "had a baby in his tummy just like mama". DH looked at me and goes, "think that means it's time for me to go on a diet?"

That's my son! LOL

[kristieboyd]

Originally Posted by grace.maddie

rotflmao! that a good one! dd saw me in the bathroom shortly after i had the baby and asked me why i had a bandaid in my panties. and then preceeded to tell everyone for a full YEAR that you have to wear underware bandaids if you have a baby.

hahaha! DS calls them bandaids too! He'll say "that you band-aid mama? I need a band-aid too!"

[grace.maddie]

Originally Posted by kristieboyd

Yeah...he also asked DH if he "had a baby in his tummy just like mama". DH looked at me and goes, "think that means it's time for me to go on a diet?"

That's my son! LOL

when my dd was first potty training she had watched enough discover heatlh and tls to know where babies come out and she would check the potty every time to see if she had a baby too. then she woudl shake her head and say i forgot to count...i guess she saw them counting to ten when they would push and thought that some how a baby would come out if she counted...so far she has not had a baby .

[batgirlandrobin]

LOL out of the mouth of babes! Now I'm REALLY scared of what my kids are gonna come out with!!!

[kristieboyd]

Originally Posted by grace.maddie

when my dd was first potty training she had watched enough discover heatlh and tls to know where babies come out and she would check the potty every time to see if she had a baby too. then she woudl shake her head and say i forgot to count...i guess she saw them counting to ten when they would push and thought that some how a baby would come out if she counted...so far she has not had a baby .

That is the SINGLE best kid's story I have EVER heard! Priceless!