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You know you're a Hillbilly when:

"He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin"or off to "Wally World.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor

What Hillbillies do:

If you forget a Hillbilly's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba" (or "Junior"). You have a 75% chance of being right.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

How to spot a true Hillbilly:

Only a true Hillbilly knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

Only a true Hillbilly knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

Only a true Hillbilly can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only true Hillbillies grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a true Hillbilly both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Hillbilly would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

HUNTING:

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. 'Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something, but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground.'

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, 'You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!'

The other added 'Yeah, but we're getting farther and farther away from the truck!'