[ladywine]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:



40-ish..........................49

Adventurous.........Slept with everyone

Athletic.........................No tits

Average looking.............Ugly

Beautiful......................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile.........Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure.......On medication

Feminist.......................Fat

Free spirit.....................Junkie

Friendship first.............Former slut

Fun...............................Annoying

New-Age.............Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned...............No BJs

Open-minded................Desperate

Outgoing......Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate....................Sloppy drunk

Professional...................Bitch

Voluptuous.................Very Fat

Large frame...................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate............Stalker


WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want...

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6 We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:


1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay


How to impress a woman:



* Wine her,

* Dine her;

* Call her,

* Hug her,

* Support her,

* Hold her,

* Surprise her,

* Compliment her,

* Smile at her,

* Listen to her,

* Laugh with her,

* Cry with her,

* Romance her,

* Encourage her,

* Believe in her,

* Pray with her,

* Pray for her,

* Cuddle with her,

* Shop with her,

* Give her jewelry,

* Buy her flowers,

* Hold her hand,

* Write love letters to her,

* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.



How to impress a man:

Show up naked and bring chicken wings and beer...and don't block the TV.

[Trish]

OMG, loved it

[JavaMomma]

:hah: :hah:

[ladywine]

got it in an email...