19 Year Old Came Home From JAIL!! (UPDATE)

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Old 08-03-2014, 02:24 PM
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19 year old came home from JAIL!! (UPDATE)

My son went to go live with his dad about 4 years ago. He has been home several times to visit me. He just got out of jail for juv probation stuff and I really wanted to see him. I drive 3 hours to pick him up. He comes here with everything he owns which was about 3 outfits and two pairs of shoes in a plastic bag. Of course he wants clothes. He is supposed to get a job working for his uncle when he gets back. I am stressing b/c I have three kids that start school in 3 weeks and I have only gotten about 1/2 of what I need for them. But my heart broke when I saw that those clothes were all he owned. He did gain 20 lbs while in jail. I broke down and bought him swim trunks, cargo one pair of shorts, socks, tanks, two black T shirts and one pair of pants. My mom also bought him a pair of cargo shorts. All of these items were purchased from Target either on sale or clearance or with a $8 of 40 catalina. But now I am broke and I have to drive him home in 1.5 weeks. Did I do something wrong, why would my son want to live in a 1000 sq foot house with 7 people and sleep on the couch? I do not enable him and tried everything. I sent him $40 and stockpile items in April for his birthday, but found out he spent that on flowers for his girlfriend. SO FRUSTRATED!!! This time I bought him clothes out of pity. I hope he does something with his life. PS> I had him raid my stockpile so he would smell good and keep up his oral hygiene.

Last edited by hotrodswife; 08-10-2014 at 08:39 PM. Reason: UPDATE
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Old 08-03-2014, 07:31 PM

RE: 19 year old came home from JAIL!! (UPDATE)

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It seems to me they like to go where they have the most freedom whether it's good for them or not, plus he has a girlfriend so that's a huge factor I'm sure. My niece went to live with her dad and stepmom for a while when she was a teenager, I think 14 or so. Her dad has a great job, nice house, bought her nice clothes, and her stepmom cooked dinner every night, etc. They had rules and she hated it. She was used to roaming free at her mom's house. She could have her boyfriend stay over, stay out as late as she wanted, and her mom let her drink. Her mom was addicted to pills and slept all day. She didn't stay very long at her dad's house even though it was a much better quality of life.

You didn't do anything wrong. You raise and teach children and after that you have to realize they're going to do what they want regardless. I know you feel responsible for his decision but it's really out of your hands. Obviously I don't low the whole circumstances but you've done what you could. Please don't beat yourself up over it. You're obviously a great mom. You bought him clothes and let him raid your stockpile, not to mention how far you drove to pick him up. Hang in there....
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Old 08-03-2014, 08:04 PM

RE: 19 year old came home from JAIL!! (UPDATE)

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Tough love is sometimes the only way to get to people. Other times that don't even work. I understand your frustration over the flowers. No cash policy on gifts might be better. I hate when people ask for cash only on wedding invites. Usually they are the ones that don't budget money well enough and the money is wasted.
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Old 08-03-2014, 08:46 PM

RE: 19 year old came home from JAIL!! (UPDATE)

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I will give a gift card next time live and learn.
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Old 08-10-2014, 08:41 PM

RE: 19 year old came home from JAIL!! (UPDATE)

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My son went home today....We had a good visit ..no drama and he did great with the little kids.
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