SAHM's

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  #1  
Old 09-28-2011, 08:21 AM
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SAHM's

What are some things you do to keep yourself mentally sharp?

I feel since I became a SAHM a little over a year ago, I've lost sense of myself, and I'm not all there mentally! I don't talk to anyone all day other than my kids, and a 5 minute chit chat with a neighbor Mom down the street who waits at the school bus stop with me.

I feel like I'm in constant burn out mode all the time.

I'm not saying I don't like being a SAHM, but just feel like all I do is take care of my kids. It's a bit hard to get out of the house even during the day with them, with 3 kids under the age of six, 1 of whom is a newborn. I don't go out in the evenings either when DH is home because the older 2 always want to go with me, and I'd feel guilty going out without them since i don't get out during the day with them- aside from backyard play. I can't leave the baby with my DH at all since she won't take a bottle, and I nurse her.

Ideas? Money is tight.
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  #2  
Old 09-28-2011, 09:16 AM

RE: SAHM's

being a mother to 2 young boys is very demanding
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I know exactly what you are talking about! Although I only have 2 kids but I have been home for 4 yrs this October. We live an hour away from our family and friends. I feel like I am constantly flipping out over things that are no big deal. I am short with my husband maybe because he gets to leave the house everyday. He doesnt understand, he thinks i have it made, and in alot of ways I do, I feel extremely lucky to be able to stay home with our boys but in others I wish I was out making money to help us achive our goals. I dont like to leave our house by myself with our two boys 4 yrs old and 15 months...my 4yr old likes to test me and the 15 month old wants out of the cart to do what his brother is doing. Sometimes it just gets to crazy! I totally feel for you!
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:29 AM

RE: SAHM's

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Thanks noahsmomma23! I know what you mean, my little boy even at 3.5 years old STIL tests my patience, and he almost gave me a heart attack last week- he tries to run into traffic and he has no fear of kitchen knives (he was trying to be a 3 musketeer!)

UGGGHh!!!

Yes, I know what you mean, love the kids and all but just wish we were contributing to help achieve the goals too. I thought of getting a PT outside the home job, but really can't with my DH's hours + being on call + my baby not wanting anything to do with a bottle.. and then I'd miss my kids,

I feel trapped in a lot of ways! I don't want my littlest to grow up too quick, but I am looking forward to when she's a bit more independent. She literally is tied to me all day, I don't even get out in the evenings by myself anymore (like I did when it was just the older 2).

So, I'm feeling desperate for an outlet! Yeah, we have no friends/family around either.
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Old 09-28-2011, 11:09 AM

RE: SAHM's

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Does your 5 yr old go to kindergarten? I have two but the older is in 1st grade now, but I used to take them both to the Library, we have moved to two places in 2 yrs, and both libraries were extremely friendly toward moms with little ones, we would go to storytime and they had wonderful bathrooms for changing the baby and comfortable chairs to feed the baby and alot of moms nursed in a corner while arts and crafts went on with the librarian, the children's section was a dream, if the baby was fussy the older one went in to story time with the librarian no prob, it's also a great way to meet other moms. Money was and is super tight, I would go to the park with his bike and the baby carriage to poop him out, or walk the mall with the carriage just to get out of the house. But that is with two, three is alot to handle.
Re: Leaving the kids w/ hubby is hard, but it gives you time to decompress, if momma ain't happy, no ones happy. You need to take that break so if he is there, take it, and if your not comfortable, make it a special trip with one child at a time so they get quality time w/ mom, one on one, even if it is running errands or shopping. I sometimes feel like there is not enough of me to go around, not enough hands, not enough time or sleep. I know three is hard. Breastfeeding is tough too, I loved it, but I felt sooo tied down, b/c of the feedings so I pumped so hubby could also feed and I could do things w/o worrying about the baby, but I was lucky both boys would do both breast and bottle, and I stopped and pumped w/ my older one after he started biting. I still have mommy brain till this day, I forgot appt's, yikes but it got better. I found if I read during feeding at night it helped alot, and I listened to books on tape while I cleaned just to hear another voice other than sesame st, or yo gabba gabba, and I called my family and hubby if it was a bad day. Have you looked into mother's groups? They usually meet w/ kids there and you can talk to other moms, they are usually posted in the parenting papers, (ours are in the free section at drugstores, grocery stores) or I am someone on here knows a link for your state, Ohio??
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Old 09-29-2011, 02:02 PM

RE: SAHM's

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Have you tried finding a mothers group or MOPS (mothers of preschoolers)|??? A friend of mine is involved with them and they get together and sometimes do things that are kid oriented or sometimes the activities are mommy oriented (on valentines there was a panel of 4 men who gave a little speech and answered questions from a mans point of view). there was a little daycare set up so the kids had something to do. This would get you and the kids out of the house, meet ppl AND you'd meet mothers and then what you do is trade babysitting. This lets you get out of the house, even if it's to go to the park, walk, read, get a coffee and you don't have to pay for babysitting. Yes you would have to reciprocate and baby sit for the other mother on occasion, but it might be just what you need.

and the remember you are doing your family no good if you aren't happy and on top of your game and that may mean a little tough love of leaving a kid home with dad even if they want to go with you. Take a little time to take care of yourself.
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Old 09-29-2011, 03:37 PM

RE: SAHM's

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Have you tried meetup.com? I joined a play group thru the site several years ago when my son was 1 (he's almost 6 now). I met some wonderful people that I am still friends with to this day.
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Old 10-06-2011, 04:06 PM

RE: SAHM's

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Old 10-07-2011, 07:20 AM

RE: SAHM's

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Being a mother is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. We moved to Texas a few years ago and have no family here. I've been a SAHM for 5 months now and do feel lonely. I'm looking for playgroups to meet other moms. Try that and see if it helps at least make you feel like you aren't in the house all day. I BF with both kids and I would pump and introduce a bottle and after a while the kids would take them. That helped when I neeeded a break, hubby could feed them. I did have to offer the bottle quite a few times, but eventually the got it.
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Old 10-07-2011, 09:27 AM

RE: SAHM's

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I am a new SAHM. I have 4 kids. 3 are in school and my youngest is 20 months. I stopped working about a month ago so hubby could take on a second job that would put his foot in the door of the career of his choice. After comparing our earnings, we found that him keeping his full-time job and working the new part-time with me staying home keeps us financially sustained. Anyhoo...

It is a big shock for me because I have been working since I was 16 (I am 31). I love being home with my children, but I am horrible at keeping house and cooking real wholesome meals. Not to mention the need for adult interaction. Dh is gone all day and night. But it is only the begining and I love to learn so here I go!... Glad to have found this thread, hope we can keep conversation going!

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Old 10-07-2011, 10:06 AM

RE: SAHM's

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I spent many years as a SAHM. You have to be proactive to keep mentally sharp and be a part of the larger community. And, no...husbands do not necessarily understand how draining it can be to spend most of your time with 3 kids under the age of 5. IMO, you have to PLAN things to do - because it doesn't usually happen spontaneously. If you don't plan anything, you will end up just going from hour-to-hour, and nap-to-nap, trying to fill the time for you and for them.

I found that a loose schedule was helpful to me - not an hourly one, but a daily one. For example, Library on Monday, Park on Tuesday, Mommy group on Thursday, etc. Gives both you and the kids something to look forward to. I also kept reading materials available for myself for when I was nursing the baby. If you attend a church, they often have Bible studies during the day with nursery care for your little ones.

I tried to mix it up a bit, and think of things to do that the older ones would find interesting and fun. We visited the fire station, went to children's museum-type places, etc - the kind of thing that preschools do as field trips. Obviously hard to do this kind of thing with a newborn, but he/she will get older and it will be easier.

Lots of good wishes and affirmation for you - I didn't value enough the time I spent at home with my children. Only now do I realize how much difference those years made to them, and to ME!
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Old 10-07-2011, 10:53 AM

RE: SAHM's

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OMG I just wanted to say I completely understand!!!! I have a 3 year old DD, 2 year old DS, 15 months old DD, and 4 month old DD. I have been at home since 2007 when I got pregnant. I try to do word games, math quizes, and I am going back to school online starting the 11th. Try to find things like union station. Ours has a train exhibit that the kids love and it's free. There are usually other moms with toddlers there too so we talk. Try looking up toddler play groups at the local community center they only run 2/3 bucks per child and they are safe. Also, if you can swing a ymca membership DO IT. ours was 45 per month but so worth it because the kids can go to "daycare" for two hours and that lets you work out or just sit and eat a meal by yourself. Hopefully this helped out a little.
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Old 10-07-2011, 01:43 PM

RE: SAHM's

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I truly understand your position. Both of my kids are school age now(5 and 7), but I remember those years before school. I worked fromt eh time I was 16 until I had my first son. So I know where you are coming from. I found a local playgroup in the area that I went to a while, then we started doing other activities such as visiting the storytime at the library, going on nature walks, visiting local landmarks. I signed on with cafemom.com to get ideas too.

3 years ago after we got into some financial ie, I got a work at home job working for Alpine Access. I love it. I still get burned out from time to time being at home all day long, but at the end of the day, I see the benefit for the kids and it makes it all worthwhile.

As far as the kids wanting to go with you in the evening, take them on short outings during the day so they won't have the cooped up feeling. Have your DH make daddy time fun and they won't want to go with you when you go out.

Best of luck!
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Old 10-07-2011, 02:24 PM

RE: SAHM's

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I understand how you feel being a SAHM myself!
Being a mom is a hard f/t job! It is rewarding though!!!

I only have one child and he is 8 yrs old and in kindergarten so I get to do my errand running while he is at school and my mom will watch him if I need to run to the store for at night time.

During the summer I was stuck at home with him 24/7 which was hard and boy did it suck!
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Old 10-08-2011, 06:40 PM

RE: SAHM's

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i've been a sahm for.... at least a hundred years

i'm WAY antisocial; joining a mom's group would have made me feel awkward & embarrassed, so what i did was.. not join one of those

we'd go to the library so often they about gave us a key to the place. sahm'ing is the only job where you can read for huge hunks of the day

yeah, reading the cat in the hat for the 9 jillionth time is BORING, but libraries have entire sections of 'other books'! tons of interesting, adult level reading material have huge glossy pix that kids can appreciate, if mama is excited & intersted enough in the subject matter... my kids thought gahan wilson, gary larson & rube goldberg were so freakin' hilarious & awesome well before they hit school age take a few seconds to get them 'hooked' on the kinda stuff you wouldn't mind reading to them 14 times, and chances are, they'll become engrossed enough in it for themselves!

same for museums!!! so fun having an excuse like 'nourishing a kid's mind' to use to justify going to those fun fests!!! every museum in the country has free days, we'd go then cuz i'm cheap like that rainy days, bitter cold days, stormy days are THE best days to go when it's free- cuz if the weather sux & makes you wanna curl up in a blanket & scowl into a fire, prolly so will the rest of the population & they'll stay home in droves!!!! & after you're done whipping thru the entire museum, looking at the stuff you are interested in (again- if the mama's excited about it & explains it to the kiddies, you'll actually feel like new brain cells are sprouting as you speak- in your head & in your kids'!!!)

turn the most mundane exercises & activities into a way to cram some education into your kid- you will benefit from the mental exercise required to throw together a 'how to practice shapes/ colors/ number recognition' walk/ chore list/ yard work session & the kid obviously will do some larnin' as well... for older kids make it be algebra/ ratios, whatever they're learning in school, they can practice at home & you'll feel stretched mentally as you figure through how to present this kinda stuff to 'em in an imaginative way

pick a place not too far from your house, research it, and drive there & check it out. this is as cheap as the gas required to get you there & it's indescribably fun. we've hunted for 'stolen gold from the great train robbery of the 1800s' that bad guys hid.... boys love that kinda stuff.... so do some mamas we've visited historical battle sites, walked where pioneers did, looked at & classified houses from the victorian era, visited underground railroad houses & churches- explored their hidden doors & passageways, researched that whole phenomena (and dude!!! THOSE kinda books are WAY more engrossing than the cat in the hat, at any age!!! trust me!! try it!!!! 3 is old enough to understand the emotions & concepts behind that entire subject, and by the time they start learning it in school, all those dry, dusty, boring history lessons will remind them of these kinds of things.) all of these mini field trips were entirely based on subjects that interest me, cuz then it doesn't feel artificial & 'teachy' it just feels freakin' fun & interesting!!!! last thing a kid wants to do after sitting behind a desk for 40 hours in a week is spend Sat learning.... unless the learning is cleverly disguised as a good time out of town & a picnic at a playground

if the budget is so tight that gas to another town is a tight squeeze, then just pick someplace you can reach on foot & lie what's it gonna hurt? prolly something historically significant happened there at some point in time, who's to say it didn't? (make sure you're vague enough & uise enough disclaimers that in the future, if he remembers enough of it to quote you, you can say- 'no, no; i said 'this area of the county hosted several battles similar to the one at that faraway place we didn't have enough gas to get to'.... you were just so young you forgot that part ; then you won't feel like a liar )

olde graveyards are obviously WAY COOL places to visit!!! man, kids died young back then!! what names were most common bak then? who had the weirdest name? who can find the oldest grave? the newest grave? calculate their age at marriage & death? look @ & discuss the graves of kids that died younger than your kid, the graves of people that died with an 8 in their date or whatever;

yeah i know... sounds so creepy!! but not if its educational!! why did kids die so young? what kinds of behaviors can kids do today that might put them at risk? how did modern medicine change the face of the population & infant mortality? what was ww1,2 korean war, etc mean? etc.... all that makes a good excuse for a trip back to the library!!! anything they ask, even if you know the answer, say 'man, that's a great freakin' queston!!!! let's go home & google it! or to the library & find out!!' cuz one day, if you teach them how to find out the answers to the questons they have, then woooo!!! you get to have a life!!!! , but 'life with kids' can be a pretty freakin' sweet intermission till then

ok, so there's the antisocial way to make sure you don't turn into a turnip just cuz you have 4 kids under the age of 6
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Old 10-08-2011, 06:52 PM

RE: SAHM's

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hugs...I think after a few kids and staying at home for any real length of time we start to forget things like how to have a real conversation with an adult; how to play a game with your husband after the kids are sleeping or while they play something they don't need you for (you can play cards and such while nursing) ; how to just do anything without feeling somewhat out of place. All of mine have started school this year. It is the first time in 14 years with no job and no kids at school...and I keep catching myself saying "we" instead of I and I find myself talking to apparently no one when I'm out and about, forgetting that no one is with me for the first time.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:39 AM

RE: SAHM's

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Thank you all sooooo much! You've given me a lot to chew on, even just understanding where I am mentally.

I think the biggest thing is that I'm scared.to.death of taking my son out. He's 3.5 but he is such a wanderer, and I am often either carrying my baby, or strolling her, so I can't just make a break for him when he runs off-wherever we are. He has a tendency to get lost in stores, nearly get hit by cars, etc. I misplaced my harness, so we just don't go anywhere. I hate having to put him in the harness, even if I had it, but it's the only way to keep him safe. He isn't as interested in library time, etc. He's a rough & tough little guy, just likes to get dirty or run. I don't know too many places I can take him to for that since I have the baby too and I have to really be on my toes with him. I did take him to our local nature center 2 weeks ago, that went great, but I only could do that because my oldest had an all day field trip, so I had extra 1 on 1 time with my son. The nature center doesn't open until 10 and my oldest gets home at 11:45 from school. Hard to get out and back anywhere with her in half day. We can't afford full day for her.

I hope there will come a day when this gets a bit easier, because I feel like a prisoner right now!

metalmama1- Yes I am introverted too, also have zero desire to join a Mom's group! WOW! I never thought I'd meet another Mom like myself! Thanks for your ideas, I like them, maybe we will go exploring somewhere around here!
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Last edited by GwenythOwensMama; 10-10-2011 at 11:52 AM.
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Old 10-10-2011, 01:21 PM

RE: SAHM's

sux being stalked & harassed!!
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if it's safer to stay yard bound, here's a fun thing to do while the baby is sleeping..... & it doesn't make THAT much noise

y'know what's a SUPER fun & cheap thing for rompin' boy to do?? buy some roofing nails; those things are purely awesome for lil kids, cuz they have a humongous, gigantic head the size of a button, so they are about impossible to 'miss' and give him a hammer (, yeah i'm serious ) warn him that if he accidentally pounds his finger, wow, it'll hurt!! etc, then let him pound nails into the dirt while you read a book dirt is soft enough that they zoom right in, and if he smashes his finger, it hurts, but not like it would if he got it pinched between wood & the hammer

when he's bored of it, teach him how to use the claw end to pull 'em back out, explain the principles of leverage, the concept of a fulcrum etc, etc, then have him round up all the nails he pounded in.... while you go back to reading your book so fun for all involved!!! & that makes the nails reusable!!

you can prolly get a couple pounds for a couple bux; that's cheaper than meat!!

when he gets better motor skills, you can move him up to pounding nails into landscaping timber or railroad ties (, that people are using in their yard to landscape, not at the railroad trax ) or something humongo & soft enough that he won't have too much trouble; (and if ya use longer nails & still insist he dig them back out, he can do some experiments w/ leverage & sciencey concepts like that to get 'em out so cool!!)

, the house we rented when my grown up boys were little, by the time we moved out, the entire top of all the lanscaping timbers glittered in the sun from millions of roofing nails

prolly the landlord thought it was pretty
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