[crystallv]

Hi I need to vent so here it goes I have a 5 yr old in K that has seem to become somewhat of a rebel. Actually got a phone call from the v.p today telling me he was in her office for a t.o.! Last year towards the end of the school year when he was in pre-k he was bullied by a 1st grader. I'm worried that because of that he is now trying to push everyone away not giving anyone a chance. He is now on a behavior folder they write down how he acts and does on 30 min periods. He is very bright he can count by 2s,5s,10s and 20s he reads me dr.Seuss books at night. We have even been doing addition problems daily but it seems like his behavior is getting in the way at school. I need some advice I've talked to him over and over again on hitting people and throwing things. I've grounded him taken things that he likes away. Does anyone have any suggestions I don't know what else to do. Thanks for reading and letting me vent.

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[crystallv]

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[qrazy]

There is a website I follow called celebrate calm. You can google it and sign up for the weekly email. We homeschool and my 10 yr old used to have anger issues, and some sensory issues. His newsletter has really helped. He also sells cds that I really enjoyed. The only other thing I would suggest is to make sure he has things he feels good about in his life, like sports or music or something where his mind and body can focus on something other than school. And it will give him an identity besides just being a behavior problem. My daughters are both musical (my husband and I are not). It has really given them so much self-confidence and gives them something to focus on and excel at.

[BlueMoon187]

Parenting is stressful sometimes, isn't it? I have more questions than answers for you. I would be wondering why he is doing this. Is "rebel" behavior a change for him? Has he been more compliant in the past, and just recently started misbehaving? If so, was there anything going on at the time it started (any stressful situations or events, not necessarily at school). Is he worried about anything? What does he remember about the bullying last year? Is he bored in kindergarten? Are they providing opportunities for him to learn new things that he enjoys? How are his social skills - does he make friends easily, or is this his way of trying to impress the other kids?

How you respond at home can help him to regain control. You need to be very calm and in control yourself. Have a talk with him during a time when he is NOT misbehaving. Not a fussing-out talk or a lecture, but a time to find out what is going on with him. Explore some of those questions above and try to find out more about how he is feeling when he misbehaves. Then, try to figure out what might be triggering the misbehavior. Understanding will help to guide what to do at school and at home. He may need some guidance in how to make friends, how to cope with stressors. He may need some more (intellectual) stimulation at school to help him channel his energy and intelligence in a positive direction. (Right now, he is providing his own stimulation...)

Whatever the case, it is important to help him regain control now, so that this does not become a pattern for him. If kids get a "reputation" as difficult, they can feel the vibes of everyone's frustration with them, and they feel disliked. Unfortunately, this leads to more misbehavior, because they don't have the internal resources to correct the situation themselves. IMO, punishment alone does not solve the problem, because it may not address the reason that the problem occurs. If things don't improve, you might consider a few sessions with a child-oriented therapist who can help him to sort things out and teach him some new skills for being in control.

Hope I don't come across as too directive, but I am a retired child therapist myself, and I have dealt with this kind of situation so many times. I wish you and your son every success - he sounds like a child I would like to know (I love bright, energetic kids!)

[crystallv]

Thank you so much for the suggestions I spoke to his teacher today. She said that he seems bored like the I already know this attitude. So she is going to start giving him worksheets different from the class so he can remain focused on his work. We know he loves playing learning games like cool school on the computer so we bought him his desk and just finished setting it up for him. I know he's going to be surprised and love it when he sees it. Me and my hubby have also planned more outings that we know he would like ex. Zoo,park, fiesta Texas and I found a baby sitter for my 5mth old so that we can give him all the attention. He was really good in school last year except for the work he had to be given something a lil harder. As for the bullying he remembers getting pushed and hit and stared at and not knowing why. It did stop after a few ugly stares to mom,dad and the lil boy. And having a few conversations with principle. I even confronted mom being that my son was 4 how would he defend himself. But he still remembers. I will let you all know how things work out I hope things get better.

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[Philly_Girl]

Maybe he is gifted. Have you had his IQ tested?

I ask because my son was the same way last year. Behavior and behavior chart. He is 1st grade now and doing much better. Last year, he got bored with the work because he already knew it. The school was advised to give him more challenging work to keep him stimulated.

[marnimae]

Hi, I have been through something similar, my son started his Kindergarten year being bullied, on the bus and at school. The bully was in his class and it was awful. His first week on the bus he came home in his new school clothes with holes in his shirt b/c this boy cut his shirt with scissors on the BUS! Then he proceeded to punch and kick my son afterwards on several occasions. I cannot tell you how frustrated and upset this was and it broke my heart. I contacted the school again and again, and talked to the teachers, emails and it seemed as though they did not take me seriously b/c it was kindergartners.
I then talked to the bus drivers (which was difficult b/c there were different drivers and subs and had to make sure this boy was in sight at all times and not near my son). Finally after telling the school we would call the police and press charges for assault, contacting the superintendant of schools and getting a attorney and we would hold them responsible for not getting this boy off the bus or suspended. (I took pictures of his face everytime and wrote down what happend and told the bus company I wanted to see the footage from the camera) they (the school) decided to take me seriously and we have not had a problem since. My son showed signs of stress for quite awhile, not wanting to go to school, and bellyaches, crying and frustration, and this was a child that could not wait to start school, it was heartbreaking.
My son is now his happy normal self, playing soccer and he had a wonderful summer. It maybe that your son is bored and does need more stimulation with his learning or it could be he is angry with what happend to him and maybe he needs to talk to a professional to understand he did nothing wrong and to get his feelings out. I mean bullying is abuse, and it leaves marks and stress, some kids handle it different than others. Just a thought, I would also talk to your pediatrician about it, they may have some ideas, mine recently told me I should have told her immediately about the bullying situation. This also helps b/c if the school is dragging their heels re: the bullying, your Dr. is a great backup for tracking the abuse and helping the problem get solved with the school. I hope it gets better for you b/c it sounds like he is a wonderful boy...just know your not alone out there.

[crystallv]

Thanks you soo much I will bring it up at his dr appt. As for the school they handled the bully right away because I told then if it continued I would take matters in my own hands. After confronting the mom I think she realized it wasn't a joke and at the moment was upset so told her I would defend my son and go at her so it could be fair. I was ready to fight omg the things we say and do when people pick on our kids. I'm so sorry things were harder for you on the bully issue idk where kids get the idea that it's ok to bully. I hope my son doesn't turn into one and we get this resolved. I would hate for other kids to be hurt due to his behavior.

How would I get my sons iq tested do they do that at the school? I would like more info on how to go about it.

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[Ginger Lea]

It sounds like the previous posts gave some great advice. A book I would suggest (if you like reading) is called "The 10 greatest gifts we give our children"...it is a wonderful approach to helping our children grow..

[crystallv]

I will definitely look that book up. Y'all have been extremely awesome. Thank you for all the wonderful advice. I love AFC I thought I was alone but now I know I'm not.

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[BlueMoon187]

Originally Posted by crystallv

How would I get my sons iq tested do they do that at the school? I would like more info on how to go about it.

Typically, the child's teacher refers them for testing for special needs, including being identified as gifted. Your child's teacher may think he is too young for this kind of testing, but it's worth a try to talk with her about it. When a child is identified as gifted, the school system is responsible for accommodating the learning environment to provide for his needs. Different schools would have different resources for testing - some schools have a school psychologist that serves several schools and does the testing. Other schools refer out for that kind of thing. You could also have your child privately tested.

My personal opinion (and it is just that...ONE opinion) is that it would be better to not focus on trying to establish an IQ number right now. Just know that your child is bright and will need extra stimulation and opportunities to thrive. Advocate for those opportunities and be active in providing them yourself. There is plenty of time later for the testing, identification, etc.

[MyNameIsSavings]

Two books may be able to shed some light on your situation:

Speaking of Boys, by Michael Thompson, PH.D.

and

Raising Cain, by Michael Thompson and a Co Author whose name I can't recall.

BUT, I have a little boy and was wondering about the different behavioral/emotional needs of little boys vs little girls and these books were a great help.