Do You Regret Your Bundle Of Joy- Secretly?

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Old 06-19-2011, 01:55 PM
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Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

Does anyone ever regret their bundle(s) of joy, secretly? Like maybe if you didn't have kids you could have been able to vacation more, bought a nicer car or clothes or been able to buy a house instead of renting? Too much fighting with your spouse about kids? Etc

The reason I ask is b/c I'm 24 and my health insurance ends when I'm 26(still on my moms plan even though I work full time). I've done a lot of research on prices and found out that I can get a vasectomy for just meager co payments through my insurance- initial appts and what not. Procedure is covered 100%! I know I can wait since after 26 my current work insurance will kick in but I've wanted this since around 20 or so. Mostly to prevent surprises from past relationships!

I always grew up not wanting kids. I had an awesome childhood so that's not where it stems from(parents are still married, never even close to divorce, financially stable). I think most of it comes from having possible problems with my future babys mommy. I think the worst thing is a child coming from a divorced family or one where the parents stay together but fight constantly.
I also fear developmental disorders: Autism, add, down syndrome, etc

I guess what I'm asking is if I take the easy way out and only have responsibility of caring for myself, will I regret it?

I have bro and sis who will most likely have kids so I can visit with them if I want to be around babies!

I know 90% will say I'm making a mistake but I want to hear all viewpoints!
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  #2  
Old 06-19-2011, 02:01 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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It's a BIG decision to make if you haven't found the woman of your dreams, she could change your mind!!
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Old 06-19-2011, 02:11 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I, too, never wanting kids growing up ... I didn't want the responsibility, didn't want to change diapers or clean snotty noses (I know how juvenile, but thats what I felt at the time). I found out I was pregnant and my feelings did a 180. I am very happy to be a parent and wouldn't change it for the world. About 5 yrs ago I was having some female issues and a hysterectomy was suggested by the doctor. I knew I didn't want anymore kids, but I enjoyed being a mom. If anything ever happened to my children, I didn't want the option of no more kids taken off the table because I had a hysterectomy. I know that you can't replace any child, but I would have longed to be a mom. A year after that, I didn't have a choice and I had to have a hysterectomy.
My suggestion would be to wait until the last minute to finalize your plans (seems like you thought it out pretty good). To some women, having no biological children would be a deal breaker for a long term, serious relationship. I would also suggest to look into freezing your sperm (if thats what they call it for me) just in case you change your mind. And I do believe that you can reverse the procedure much more easily than a woman can reverse their tubes being tied.
Good luck in your decision. And remember only you know what the right decision is for you!
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Old 06-19-2011, 02:12 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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My current BF and I talked about kids when we first got together. At that time we didn't want any. He has MS and while studies show there is no genetic link... he's not the only one in his family with the disease.

Now that we have been together for a few years... and are now talking about marriage.. kids have been another topic that has come up. And this time we are now talking about having HUGE family!

While having the surgery at this point isn't going to cost you much.. PLZ consider down the road when you do meet that right girl. Cost of fertility treatments and/or reversal surgery are more costly than this and are typically not covered by insurance!

Also there are risks!.. While this may be a pretty common procedure think about whether those risks are worth it at your age.

When I was entering child bearing age I actually thought about getting a hysterectomy... I didn't want to deal with "woman" stuff or have kids. Right now at a different stage in my life I'm glad I didn't go through with it!
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Old 06-20-2011, 05:30 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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If it's something you feel you should shut the door on it's your choice just dont lock that door I get where your concerns are coming from the right person things that could go wrong etc etc but who know what could happen down the road and for that matter you could meet someone who's perfect and has kids that you just love and you don't feel the need to have your own genetic copies my bff has three kids and does not want any more and it ended a really good relationship because even he loved her kids she did not want any more and he did ( she also has huge medical drama trying to carry to term and doesn't want to do that again) it's a choice you have to make taking steps to prevent an oops is very responsible of you I agree with freezing just in case the V doesn't want to be reversed if your ever in the mood some day down the road just make sure that you think about both sides of the coin what if you don't want kids ever and what if 5 years down the road you change your mind. You never know how you'll feel in the future so take that into consideration just in case
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Old 06-20-2011, 05:47 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I wouldn't get one now, at 24...you are still young and may meet a woman you want to have children with somewhere down the road

there are TONS of ways to prevent pregnancy short of vasectomy
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Old 06-20-2011, 05:52 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Regret? No. Fantasize about how my life would have been different? Yes.

Regardless of your current feelings, it would be nearly impossible to find a reputable doctor that would perform a vasectomy on someone as young as you are, so this is something you're wasting your time contemplating right now.
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Old 06-20-2011, 05:56 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I am a woman who plans to not have children, but I have gone back and forth so I have not done anything permanent as far as birth control.

I think if you are positive, you may want to say to your physician that you are interested and have it documented in your medical file. If you should encounter resistance by a physician in the future you can say you've been considering the procedure for a long time and have documentation to back it up.

Good luck with your decision!
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Old 06-20-2011, 06:00 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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This is your choice, but don't make choices based on fear, ever. You are responsible for your re-productiveness, so if you want to prevent pregnancy, use a condom. I wouldn't do something this drastic based on fear, though.
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Old 06-21-2011, 10:48 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I appreciate all the responses so far!

As for the doctor- we have a family friend who I've been in contact with that is willing to do the procedure. He just notified me that I have to have a couple of office visits and what not first. . .

The general consensus seems to be to not do it but if you do, freeze your sperm just in case you change your mind later down the road. I actually think that's a good idea! Small cost to me but could be a good reward in the future!

No birth control is a hundred percent effective and that one mistake could change your life forever. 30 seconds of pleasure is not worth 18 years of child support payments (12months x 18 years=216 payments to be exact). I believe in abortion but the choice usually resides with the woman and I wouldn't want it to come to that since more than likely she'll choose to have it. I'd rather have the ball in my court than hers! Better to be safe than sorry. I just don't want to resent a child that I didn't want but she did!

The choice isn't necessarily dictated by fear. I just want to be responsible for what I do and don't want to create something and not be there to watch it grow. I know woman change, as do men, so I don't want to make the mistake of meeting a girl and thinking she's the one only to find out 5 years later, with 2 kids, that we grew apart and now we have to share custody!
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Old 06-21-2011, 10:51 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I have met woman who have said they never want kids but to instead focus on their careers- maybe I should exclusively date those woman so as to not put myself in that situation!
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Old 06-22-2011, 12:33 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by leYGar
I have met woman who have said they never want kids but to instead focus on their careers- maybe I should exclusively date those woman so as to not put myself in that situation!
Well you should NOT date women that want kids if you are convinced you don't and definitely NOT if you have the vasectomy

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Old 06-22-2011, 01:30 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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This is a hard one... from reading what you've wrote so far.. I'd say its better to have a vasectomy then to have an 'oops' and then become a 'dead beat dad' and not see the child... you are young and you may meet a girl that you would love to raise a family with.. but it is true that vesectomy's are easier to reverse then say a tube tying... I think it'd be much better for you to 'tie up' all possibilities then to have 10 kids running around w/a daddy (not meant to be mean, just a statement based on what you've said! )

Love does crazy things and I would definately say that being up front and honest about not wanting kids would be wise when dating... don't let that be something you say once you both have feelings... or that might lead to resentment and splitting up later on...

Its a huge decision you have there!
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Old 06-25-2011, 06:09 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Pregnancy is 100% preventable. Ten or even 15 years down the road from now you may feel differently and you'd be left with a choice you made as a very young man.

To say you don't want kids bc you are afraid of disabilities is just sad, IMHO.

Seems to me there's something else you may be afraid of.
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Old 06-25-2011, 06:21 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Kudos to you for knowing what you want.

Too often people think that they need to have the white picket fence and 2.5 kids to be happy.

I am thrilled to have my children.

BUT...I have made certain that they are aware that they are under no obligation to have children of their own, ever.

There are rewards to having children. But there is a big trade-off.
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Old 06-25-2011, 06:23 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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You don't have to decide today. Don't you have 2 years w/the insurance? I personally don't regret my decision to have a child. But I would not have one today. The choice is ultimately yours. You know how you feel, what you think and what you want. There are always choices in life and you have choices in this instance. And something else to keep in mind......there is always adoption. Listen to your heart.
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Old 06-25-2011, 06:28 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I will give you an answer through the eyes of a 58 year old man who never had children of his own... My husband... Iam his first wife... I had been married before and when we met .... He did not want children.... But a few years after we were married.. The choice was taken away.... I had surgery and can not have anymore children.... 19 years into our marriage he tells me... That he wished we would have had a baby.... He loves the 3 I had already.... But now he wishes he had one from his DNA.....
My thoughts are wait... At least closer to the time you turn 26...... There are so many forms of birth control... Use them....
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Old 06-25-2011, 06:51 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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i've got a 6 yr old with apraxia of speech which means unable to talk but i still don't regret her. she has been in speech therapy for over 3 years and talks pretty good now. most people with special needs children are still happy to have them so don't let that stop you. who are you going to leave your guns to? or your name? i would wait you just might meet mrs. wonderful and she might want kids.
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Old 06-25-2011, 06:57 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I would say the best thing to do is to wait. My hubby and I had 2 kids and then decided we were done and he had a vasectomy. Well less than 2 years later we realized we made a mistake and he got a vasectomy reversal this past December. Luckily for us, it only took us 3 months to conceive.

My point, is that people sometimes change their minds.
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Old 06-25-2011, 07:08 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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From someone who married NOT wanting kids to a man NOT wanting kids I would not do it! My hubby and I dated and lived together for 2 years the whole time saying we did not want kids a year after marriage we got pregnant almost 4 kids later we dont regret any of them and you can tell by my siggy that ours are very spread out after our 9 year old we thought we couldnt have any more (we tried to get pregnant for 2 years with him) and at Forty my hubby is now expecting our last child this year our first was born when he was 26 2 years away from where you are now.
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Old 06-25-2011, 07:26 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Kids change you in a way you could never expect or anticipate. Don't make any decisions now that you might regret later. It's amazing what your heart and mind will do once you have a child. I didn't want kids - didn't think I'd marry.... I'm married now with 2 kids and I wouldn't give them up for the world!!!! I miss my independence, but know I will have it back one day when my little guys grow up. If I had more money, a bigger house, and didn't HATE HATE HATE the shot in my back for my c-section, I'd have more kids. My little guys is "sick". He'll be 2 in a few weeks and a year ago we found out that something is eating at his bones and organs. The doctors think it's this very rare disease, but after a year of different tests, they still can't confirm it. If you met him, you'd never know all of this was going on - The love that I have for him and my other son just don't compare to anything I've ever felt on this earth yet.

While I value and commend you for "knowing" what you think you want, please wait. I have many friends who have decided not to have children and that's fine, but we are in our 30's and haven't gotten to the real "regret" period yet. Just be as careful as you can and don't be "stupid". Enjoy your moments safely!! Try and take your life one day at a time - you never know what tomorrow will bring!!!
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Old 06-25-2011, 07:47 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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If you really don't want kids then you should have it done. Also, you should be using protection when you are with different women otherwise that is taking a big medical risk--many many diseases are out there. I have a friend who has never wanted children. It is a blessing that he does not have any at 40 years. He got around and played the field so much that I am supprised he doesn't have HIV/AIDS. He caught everything else. I know because he told me in strict confidence. He made himself sterile from catching so so many diseases. Thank Goodness he can't have kids!! He is ego centric, selfish, has a bad temper. He has many other qualities that would make for being a bad father. But guess what? Now he wants some! Thank goodness he can't. I am not being mean he is a good friend and I have told him how I feel at times about all of this stuff. He is hard working and fun loving but definitly not the father type!! So, if you don't want kids make sure it doen't happen use protection. You can still get a girl pregnant even if you have a vasectomy they have been known to not be successful and it has happened that the tubes can grow back together even years after the procedure. Whatever you do I hope you make the right choice. Oh, and I waited till 29 to start a family--glad I waited it is a big job but totally worth it to me!! I have two beautiful kids!! I always worried about my kids having problems and they are totally healthy, exceptionally smart-- tested gifted, etc. Have you ever thought what if your kids were supposed to invent or do something amazing for this world but if you never have kids you will never know. I think you should think about this side of fatherhood too!! Good Luck!!
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Old 06-25-2011, 08:10 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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If you really feel that way no dont have kids. but vasectomy can usually be reversed if you change your mind. I had 1 biological child a stepson and 10 foster kids we supported since we didnt get custody of most the parents didnt want them and we were in the same school district so it worked. Kids are very expensive and they totally change your life. But i love them all and dont regret the sacrafices. So if you want kids there are always kids that need someone out there.
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Old 06-25-2011, 08:47 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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My husband & I have been married for 18 years. Neither one of us wanted kids & we knew that before we got married. We went to school, started & moved up in our careers, traveled & did anything we wanted at a moments notice. After 12 years of marriage we we realized something was missing. We both knew what is was but neither said anything because we knew that the other didn't want kids, or so we thought. One day I finally told him, I wanted a child & to my surprise, he said he wanted one to but was to afraid to mention it because he thought that I still didn't want any. So we began trying, & trying & trying. I wasn't getting pregnant & we thought we'd waited too long & lost our chance. But, after 3 years it finally happened! We now have a happy 3 year old that is the center of our world. We still travel & do all the things we were doing before we had him. We just have a third person tagging along. You might think you don't want kids now, but there's always a chance you'll change your mind later. This isn't an easy decision to make so make sure you look at all your options. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Old 06-26-2011, 12:07 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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My DH was like you. He had actually tried to have a vasectomy before we met. He told me early on he didn't want children. My sister already had one, then found out she was pregnant again. My brothers girlfriend was also pregnant. I decided I wanted kids as well (I had always wanted them, but the relationship was getting serious. We either needed to agree or split). We talk and discussed it. He finally said ok, one! We have a beautiful blonde hair blue eyed princess! She has him wrapped around her finger! He wouldn't known what to do without her! He never wanted kids, but is the most amazing father I have ever seen! She also has Epilepsy. So I see the whole picture that you have in front of you, right down to the fears of disease. But like previous posters have said, a child changes you. The love I have for our daughter, there is nothing like it! The love I receive back (even as she lays screaming on the floor throwing a fit in the middle of the store!) is just amazing! There is nothing like having a little person that you created! From the time I got pregnant to now, i have never regretted her! Like others, I have wondered where we would be now, but that's not regret, that's life!

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