Do You Regret Your Bundle Of Joy- Secretly?

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  #51  
Old 11-21-2011, 11:09 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by leYGar View Post
Can someone please explain this quote that I always hear from parents: my son or daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me.

I would think graduating college or H.S. would be better since it would mean you would be able to support your future self and offspring! Or maybe meeting your S.O. would be the best thing to happen to you!! Are ppl really this unaccomplished that having a baby, which is easy to do and even a goldfish can have one, is their biggest joy in life?!?
Sorry, Dude, it's completely true & almost unexplainable. Try to think of it the way my daughter explained it to me after she had her 1st child. "It's like I was missing an arm or something, but I didn't know that I was missing it. My whole life I never had that arm & didn't need it, but now that I have my son, I need him. He fills a hole in me that I didn't even know was there."
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  #52  
Old 11-21-2011, 11:16 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Kids

I there aremany resons people feel this way some its a liveing part of them someting they created and love.
Others if they didnt have the responsibility of the kids there live would have been totally different.

Me i was a wild rebelious kid very tough had to be equal to any man.
My son changed me alot i had someting i was totally responsible for so i had to work harder set a good example and evaluate myself to do what was best for my child who tottally depended on me.

Its the age old maternal or paternal instinct that takes over for most.
But yes many should never have kids they destroy them from the start because they feel the way you do i guess.
Those no shouldnt have them because they are already thinking more about themselves than a helpless life they created.
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  #53  
Old 11-21-2011, 11:37 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I think all parents at some point or another regret the decision to have children even if they don't admit it. I have 2 children and while they are the light of my world there are times (Very few and far between!) that I do regret having them. There are a lot of sacrifices to having children and it sounds like you are not willing to make those sacrifices (Which is totally fine! No judgement fro me at all! ) so I would say to get it done. HTH!
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  #54  
Old 11-21-2011, 11:44 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Never!! I loved them both before I ever even met them.. And I never planned on having kids! I am by no means that kinda "PTA" mom, but my kids have given memories and moments into my life that have brought such Joy and satisfaction that nothing material wise could ever do! I miss the days when they were young and some of the cutest things would come out of their mouths that would just tip me right over..
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Old 11-21-2011, 11:53 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by leYGar
Can someone please explain this quote that I always hear from parents: my son or daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me.

I would think graduating college or H.S. would be better since it would mean you would be able to support your future self and offspring! Or maybe meeting your S.O. would be the best thing to happen to you!! Are ppl really this unaccomplished that having a baby, which is easy to do and even a goldfish can have one, is their biggest joy in life?!?
Because babies "happen" without too much work. High school, college, jobs all might be one's greatest accomplishment but they certainly didn't just "happen". And my babies were all much more joyful than any lousy degree or job I got. Whopee, I did everything someone said was needed and got money. :/

Now actually raising a kid into a successful adult - that's an accomplishment.

Also, goldfish babies are much less entertaining than my human ones.
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  #56  
Old 11-21-2011, 11:53 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I always wanted 3 kids but I only had one and would never trade him for the world!
I had my tubes tied 3 or 4 months ago because I think having another child would not be fair to my son.....he has severe Autism and requires alot of my attention and takes alot of energy out of me and out of my mom.

I can see where you are coming from but make sure you think long and hard before you have it done. You don't want to regret it later.
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  #57  
Old 11-21-2011, 11:58 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by leYGar View Post
Can someone please explain this quote that I always hear from parents: my son or daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me.

I would think graduating college or H.S. would be better since it would mean you would be able to support your future self and offspring! Or maybe meeting your S.O. would be the best thing to happen to you!! Are ppl really this unaccomplished that having a baby, which is easy to do and even a goldfish can have one, is their biggest joy in life?!?
I think that quote is the essence of why so many of us urge you to make darn sure you are really wanting this.

Kids are "the best thing that ever happens...." to people for different reasons but I know for me (and I'm guessing for many here) having a child completely changes your life. You grow up. You tend to realize that *things* (like cars and boats and stockpiles and houses, and vacations, etc, etc.) really just aren't as important after all. There is something magically powerful and at the same time humbling and scary and downright crazy about becoming a parent. Everything just changes. Your entire perspective is just far different than it every was because all of a sudden you have another life to worry about that you created and are responsible for and everything else goes by the wayside. And then one day you look back and go, did I ever really think/act/care about all this other stuff before? There is something very fulfilling and rewarding about parenting. At some point you realize that had you not had the opportunity to have children and parent your whole method of thinking wouldn't be the same.

And really, I have to kind of cringe when I hear something like, "having a baby is so easy even a goldfish can do it." I am not trying to be mean, but there are just so many women (and men as well) who struggle with infertility that I guess I am sensitive to the fact that it isn't always so.

I do think it is wonderful that you are being completely honest with yourself though, and no matter what you decide I definitely agree with others - be up front and honest with the women you are dating that this is your desire.
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  #58  
Old 11-21-2011, 12:05 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I had my first child at 19 and didn't meet my husband till I was 23. A year later at 24 , we got married. I got pregnant right away and had a boy. My husband adopted my older child,a girl. After we had our son, we talked about trying for another one when our son turned 1. However, my husband soon changed his mind. My husband is obsessed with money and budgeting and I think once he realized how much children cost he was concerned that his military paycheck couldn't comfortably support more than 2 . He tried to talk me into getting my tubes tied but I refused. I told him that after having had 2 c-sections there was no way I'd be getting a another procedure, if he didn't want anymore he'd have to get a vasectomy. He was only 26 when he had his vasectomy and I know he never regretted it but honestly there are times when I did and still do. I'm 34 now. Some of my friends are just having their fist child and my older child is now 14. Time has gone by so fast. I love my children and love being a mom. Now that my children are getting older and more independent they don't need me as much. I have 3 cats and 1 dog and they help me feel needed some , but there is just nothing like being a parent. I will say though if you truly don't want to have children I completely support you getting a vasectomy. There are so many Children that suffer at the hands of parents who do not want them . Even if not physically children can sense when they are not wanted. I wish you the best of luck in making this decision. And whatever you decide , I hope you make peace with it.
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  #59  
Old 11-21-2011, 12:06 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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That's a big decision to make at a young age, you don't know how you're going to feel when you're in your 30's or even 40's. I had my first child just before my 19 b-day & my second when I was 23. I always knew I wanted children. I never wanted marriage or any of that, but I knew I always wanted children. And I did marry their dad & after 17 years of marriage we divorced but I have never regretted having them. My ex-husband and I remain friends and jointly raise our children because we chose to have them. So even if you do end up divorced in the future, that doesn't affect your ability to be a parent.

But, my boss just turned 40 and has spent 2 years doing high priced fertility treatments because at 38 she suddenly decided she wanted to have a baby, after never wanting one. Everyone's different & it's perfectly fine when people chose not to have babies, I'm not a baby pusher. But I also think making a permanent decision like that at a young age is rash.
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  #60  
Old 11-22-2011, 08:50 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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The vasectomy operation is not being done so I can bring home random girls from the bar and not wear a condom. It's so I can have piece of mind that my future long term girlfriend/wife doesn't just decide that all of a sudden she wants to have kids by missing her pill for a couple of days. I'd rather be in control than relying on my gf. I've heard too many horror stories about gf/wife forgetting to take birth control!!

I do plan to be 100% honest with future gf's that my desire is to not have kids. Lots of women these days are deciding not to have kids whether it be personal or financial!!
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Old 11-22-2011, 09:31 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Sorry! I truly did not mean to hit a nerve there! I was just trying to state the fact that if you are using condoms now & continue to do so until you are in a stable long term committed relationship, then having a vasectomy will make no difference. However, if you are not, and you are relying on the birth control methods & ethics of a more casual type of hook-up, you need to be cautious of more than pregnancy.

If you truly do not want kids, you should not have them. Period, end of story. But remember that the things that you wanted at 16 are probably not the things that you want now that you are 24. If you think that the next 8-10 years are not going to bring as many changes in your wants and needs as the last 8 have brought, then go for it. If you have even the slightest doubt, wait a while.
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Old 11-22-2011, 10:40 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robbo

Because babies "happen" without too much work. High school, college, jobs all might be one's greatest accomplishment but they certainly didn't just "happen". And my babies were all much more joyful than any lousy degree or job I got. Whopee, I did everything someone said was needed and got money. :/

Now actually raising a kid into a successful adult - that's an accomplishment.

Also, goldfish babies are much less entertaining than my human ones.
AGREED!!! Exactly what I thought. ESP the last part

Quote:
Originally Posted by thismom4deals

I think that quote is the essence of why so many of us urge you to make darn sure you are really wanting this.

Kids are "the best thing that ever happens...." to people for different reasons but I know for me (and I'm guessing for many here) having a child completely changes your life. You grow up. You tend to realize that *things* (like cars and boats and stockpiles and houses, and vacations, etc, etc.) really just aren't as important after all. There is something magically powerful and at the same time humbling and scary and downright crazy about becoming a parent. Everything just changes. Your entire perspective is just far different than it every was because all of a sudden you have another life to worry about that you created and are responsible for and everything else goes by the wayside. And then one day you look back and go, did I ever really think/act/care about all this other stuff before? There is something very fulfilling and rewarding about parenting. At some point you realize that had you not had the opportunity to have children and parent your whole method of thinking wouldn't be the same.

And really, I have to kind of cringe when I hear something like, "having a baby is so easy even a goldfish can do it." I am not trying to be mean, but there are just so many women (and men as well) who struggle with infertility that I guess I am sensitive to the fact that it isn't always so.

I do think it is wonderful that you are being completely honest with yourself though, and no matter what you decide I definitely agree with others - be up front and honest with the women you are dating that this is your desire.
THANK YOU! Made me mad to read the goldfish thing too. It's every ones choice to have kids are not. No judgment either way. But I am not sure where AND WHY the goldfish thing was said. Having children is NOT an easy thing for every one. An to compare that to gold fish? Coming from some one w fertility issues and who spent 3 months on magnesium sulfate then still ended up having a preemie... Just saying it's not the easiest task! Clearly you know not much about labor... There is NOTHING easy about that...
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Old 11-22-2011, 11:04 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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So many great responses on here. My input is the same as so many others. I did not want children in my 20's. But life changes and now that I am a parent (planned), it is the most amazing and rewarding experience of my life. Just think, when you are 90 years old looking back, you will not regret having children, but if you don't-you might regret not having them. It's crazy to think that when I was 24 I actually asked my doctor about getting a tubal ligation (vasectomy equivalent for women). So thankful that I didn't do it.
Make good choices when it comes to sex-use protection, you don't need a vasectomy.
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Old 11-22-2011, 11:08 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by deneisetorres View Post
Sorry, Dude, it's completely true & almost unexplainable. Try to think of it the way my daughter explained it to me after she had her 1st child. "It's like I was missing an arm or something, but I didn't know that I was missing it. My whole life I never had that arm & didn't need it, but now that I have my son, I need him. He fills a hole in me that I didn't even know was there."
It is totally unexplainable! I used to ask that same question, why do people think it's an accomplishment? The only way to understand is actually having a child, and then all those sayings you here is truly how you feel.
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Old 11-23-2011, 01:30 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by leYGar View Post
The vasectomy operation is not being done so I can bring home random girls from the bar and not wear a condom. It's so I can have piece of mind that my future long term girlfriend/wife doesn't just decide that all of a sudden she wants to have kids by missing her pill for a couple of days. I'd rather be in control than relying on my gf. I've heard too many horror stories about gf/wife forgetting to take birth control!!

I do plan to be 100% honest with future gf's that my desire is to not have kids. Lots of women these days are deciding not to have kids whether it be personal or financial!!


this to me sounds like a bigger issue then just having/wanting children...this sounds like a trust and control issue. not all women get pregnant to trap a man!

i was a teen mom. there were many a time i secretly and not so secretly had regrets about having a child so young. in hindsight, my son was a blessing and he had kept me on the straight and narrow. i swore to the high heavens and back that i would NEVER...EVER...EVER have another child. i didnt want another...and the older that my son got, the more i didnt want any more. why the heck would i want to start this parenting thing all over again??? i wound up ending a few relationships based on the fact that they wanted children and i did not. i even went so far as to schedule an appointment to have my tubes tied when i was 24..but THANK JESUS i did not follow through. fast forward to now...i am married to the love of my life and i have THE MOST AMAZING little girl who will be 2 on thanksgiving =) i cannot fathom how i lived life without her in it for so long and cant believe i could have missed out on this surreal experience just because i *thought* i knew what i wanted at one point in my life.

just my opinion but i dont think you should make such a permanent decision right now. things changed dramatically in a few years time for me and once i found the love of my life...my opinion changed completely and i knew i wanted a life of my love.
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Old 11-23-2011, 07:29 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by annettedilworth View Post
this to me sounds like a bigger issue then just having/wanting children...this sounds like a trust and control issue. not all women get pregnant to trap a man!
I had the same thought. Makes me wonder what kind of women he's been dating.
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Old 11-23-2011, 07:43 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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There are many times when I just want to scream because I am so exhausted from the rigors of adulthood (i.e. children, work, spouse, bills, etc) BUT then I look at my kids laughing and playing with each other and all of the madness melts away to the background. It was the same after all of the intense PAIN of childbirth - all of a sudden I was looking into the eyes of my kids and I no longer had any pain. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't days when I just would like to be able to read a sentence of a book without being interrupted. Or maybe just being able to close the bathroom door ONCE!

It's inconceivable for you, right now, to completely understand where those of us with children are coming from when we say that our kids are the lights of our lives. Something in you just snaps.

Now I'm not saying that you will never feel this way in your life about something else. Maybe the perfect girl for you will come along and the two of you will click into place and when you look at her all pain will melt away. Maybe your "snap" will be the perfect job. Maybe your "snap" will be the perfect bachelor life of taking wonderfully fulfilling vacations.

Whatever it is for YOU, I truly hope you find it and are happy!
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Totally OCD. Luckily my DH is building me new stockpile shelves so I can more easily rearrange and reorganize my goodies!
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  #68  
Old 11-23-2011, 07:55 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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You are so young I would personally suggest waiting. I understand the insurance part but trust me things in life can change in an instant. I grew up not wanting children I had friends who had kids way before I did and I always use to say I dont even want to think about having kids they bugged me just a little bit And about three years later I met my husband and from the instant we got serious I knew he would be the father to my children. And now almost 18 years later we have five amazing children that I could not ever ever imagine living my life without. They make me whole. Sorry for the life story just wanted to put out the good side of having children. And I have a brother who is married and has never had kids and also a sister in law who has no kids so it is personal preferance kids arent for everyone but that is a dicision only you know the answer to. Good luck on whatever decision you make.
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  #69  
Old 11-23-2011, 06:59 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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[quote=thismom4deals;4415015]You tend to realize that *things* (like cars and boats and stockpiles and houses, and vacations, etc, etc.) really just aren't as important after all. There is something magically powerful and at the same time humbling and scary and downright crazy about becoming a parent. Everything just changes. Your entire perspective is just far different than it every was because all of a sudden you have another life to worry about that you created and are responsible for and everything else goes by the wayside. And then one day you look back and go, did I ever really think/act/care about all this other stuff before?

Are you really serious? I'm not trying to be rude but this is the craziest thing I have ever heard. So you are saying that there will be no parents at 10pm tomorrow night at Walmart because they do not care about things and that all people with kids live in small houses that are empty because things do not matter? I can assure you I have had many parents have credit cards declined several times in a row buying useless CRAP they do not need.
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Old 11-23-2011, 07:06 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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[quote=Seirith;4420865]
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismom4deals View Post
You tend to realize that *things* (like cars and boats and stockpiles and houses, and vacations, etc, etc.) really just aren't as important after all. There is something magically powerful and at the same time humbling and scary and downright crazy about becoming a parent. Everything just changes. Your entire perspective is just far different than it every was because all of a sudden you have another life to worry about that you created and are responsible for and everything else goes by the wayside. And then one day you look back and go, did I ever really think/act/care about all this other stuff before?

Are you really serious? I'm not trying to be rude but this is the craziest thing I have ever heard. So you are saying that there will be no parents at 10pm tomorrow night at Walmart because they do not care about things and that all people with kids live in small houses that are empty because things do not matter? I can assure you I have had many parents have credit cards declined several times in a row buying useless CRAP they do not need.
I think she means that GOOD parents put their children before "things". That doesn't mean having things doesn't matter. It just means that I never wake up and think, "man I wish I never had my son, I could have gotten a boat by now."
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Old 11-23-2011, 07:56 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Originally Posted by mefreire89 View Post
I think she means that GOOD parents put their children before "things". That doesn't mean having things doesn't matter. It just means that I never wake up and think, "man I wish I never had my son, I could have gotten a boat by now."
Exactly

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Originally Posted by Seirith View Post
......

Are you really serious? I'm not trying to be rude but this is the craziest thing I have ever heard. So you are saying that there will be no parents at 10pm tomorrow night at Walmart because they do not care about things and that all people with kids live in small houses that are empty because things do not matter? I can assure you I have had many parents have credit cards declined several times in a row buying useless CRAP they do not need.
I am sure there will be plenty of parents @ Walmart @ 10 pm tomorrow

I wasn't trying to imply that material "things" don't matter altogether or really making a statement either way (different people are comfortable with different ways of living.) I was just saying that when you become a parent the "things" that matter change in general. So, in a material things sort of instance, as a single, unmarried person a bright, new, shiny electronic gadget might really be what makes a person happy on Christmas morning. But once you have kids the only thing that may matter to you is your children's happiness seeing their faces when they open their presents that day.

I mean, I agree with you. I don't think parents should be maxing out credit cards to indulge their children either. The above is just an example of how a person's perspective might change from selfishly wanting materialistic things to just wanting to see someone who means a lot to them be happy. In general I think after you have children they tend to be your world and it becomes that way even if you don't intend for it to. Parenting is a selfless task.
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:15 PM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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Oh and OP, for what it's worth I don't blame you for thinking twice about the women you are with and what their motives are, etc. I know of a couple of situations with fathers I know where the two parents have split (not divorce situations just dating relationships, woman ends up preggo and the couple ends up not together in the end) and the dads are getting the short end of the stick as far as paying child support even though it means they don't have enough money to barely get by and the moms have pulled all kinds of stunts to see to it that the kids don't even get to see their fathers

These are good dads who have no records that indicate they shouldn't be able to have partial custody and see their children and in at least one of the instances the mother is completely going against the court order that's in place. It's ridiculous and they are doing their kids a great disservice. Women can be very dramatic and overbearing and just want to cause trouble simply because you're their "ex" I guess....I don't really get it. But I do think it's wise that you are thinking all of this through.
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Old 11-24-2011, 02:39 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I thought I read somewhere that they are developing male birth control? That would be a less permanent way to have a "safety net" I wonder if they ever produced that.
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Old 11-24-2011, 06:05 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I was 17 when my daughter was born, and I have never regretted having her. I had my son at 20 and had my tubes tied. I agree with another poster, do I think of how different things would be? yes regret my children? never. Ultimately it is your decision, but I would at least freeze some sperm, so if and when you do decide to have kids, you'll have an option. My kids are my greatest joy- my life without them would be empty. I am still married to their dad (going on 17 years) and am now a nurse. Hope this helps!
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Old 12-04-2011, 04:19 AM

RE: Do you regret your bundle of joy- secretly?

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I was 17 when I had my now 3 yr old. I was told at 15 that if I ever wanted to have kids I needed to do so before I was 18 because of health problems. My daughters father plus my mom talked about this for a long time and ended up deciding on having a child. First let me say I love my daughter more then anything but I do sometimes wonder if I should of had her because my health is not well and I'm in the icu a lot. I feel at times I am not a good mother because I can not do much with her and its hard to watch her by myself but I knew going into this it would be hard. She knows mommy is sick and is very loving to me. The reason why I regret it is because with being sick I had to grow up fast and I'm afraid she will to because I wont be able to do most things. Sorry I'm rambling here
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