[medic2midwife]

My neighbors husband is going to do his first deployment (combat tour) and as they are new to the military this is all new to them. When she opened up to me about her fears today, I really struggled to find comforting things to say because I couldn't remember that place I was in soooo long ago for my first time and I've seen too much to ever go back. I'm no good at the comfort thing anyhow so I was wondering if ya'll could help me out. I want to put together a little book for her of quotes and tips and things like that for deployments and I may end up giving them out to my platoon and neighborhood. If you could share, I'd love for you to post anything that ever helped you out during a deployment, maybe a quote or a song or a poem or a piece of advice or maybe even something that you figured out for yourself! Would really appreciate this guys!

[valgal820]

Take care of yourself. Exercise!!!!!! You feel better physically and emotionally.
Turn off the news!
Never turn down an offer for help and ask for more if you need it!
When you talk to your spouse, don't have them share the bad stuff or dangerous stuff. They can share that when they get home and if they need to vent about it, have them do it there. In turn, I try to sugar coat things on my side too. They don't need the extra worry about the little stuff at home.
Have something special planned for the return to look forward to and plan and talk about together during the separation.

[medic2midwife]

Thats a really good idea on the sugar coating. I did a deployment being completely honest with how bad things were on my side and it ended up making the whole thing miserable for both of us. It caused fights and who wants to fight while he's down range! Thanks!

[akastephens]

Army wife… the toughest job in the military.

Army wife… the H.E.R. in HERO.

God created wine to keep Army Wives from taking over the world. (this is my personal favorite )

[medic2midwife]

LOL!! I love that last one!!!

[KitTyNbAsS]

Remember: NO news is GOOD news.
* you have the right to cry, dealing with separation is never easy for anyone.
* Remember: Military wives are the backbone of the military.
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
Gibran, Kahlil


One Day Closer...

My heart searches for you
everywhere I go,
hoping to see a trace
of the warmth I found
in your smile.
You are ever on my mind,
the tide that dashes
upon the shore,
keeping my heart awake
and my dreams alive.
And I could never still
these thoughts of you,
because you turn
the gray sky blue
when winter calls.
And when the night
falls heavy,
you make the stars
shine twice as bright,
lighting up
my world with hope,
and making me yearn for
the dawn that will bring us
one day closer
to being together.

"One Day Closer," written and designed by Bobette Bryan, 2002


"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will"

"If you love someone more then anything, then distance only matters to the mind, not to the heart"


"No matter how far you are, no matter how long I'm gone, you will always be with me. I will see you always as clear as day, for our love knows no boundries and never will, because you see... our hearts are one, and mine is always home"


That's all I have for now. Kinda hard to do this on my iPhone . These helped me a lot when I was stateside while my husband was overseas during an unaccompanied tour. Soon it'll be deployment. =\ that word tastes like vinegar coming out my mouth.

[medic2midwife]

No news is good news is my personal thing I follow, I tried that on her but she gave me a blank stare that said I had about 3 seconds to get out of her strike range.

Those are all so great, thank you so much!

[KitTyNbAsS]

Does she have friends on post to do stuff with? Keeping busy is good too. When he was in Korea I wasn't on post at all I was 7 hours from one so I wasn't around people who can truly understand so I'm sure with knowing people dealing with the same thing will make things a little easier. That or online communities.

[katt42saves]

Therapy! Or support groups either physical or online. I read every milblog I could find and joined a lot of milspouse forums. When DH deploys next I'll join the deployed spouses group here on base now that he is AD.

We got married right before DH deployed because we were afraid that if something happened to him his family wouldn't think to tell me. He was National Guard back then and I lived nowhere near his unit so I had no one around that understood.

I found a great therapist and ended up going to a psychiatrist and went on some low dose antidepressants.

Totally ask for help when you need it, no matter what kind of help it is. I told everyone what was going on and asked for as much leeway as they could provide. I was working and going to school so I had a lot on my plate.

[medic2midwife]

She's beginning to make friends, I'm pleased to say. I think I'll be helping her quite a bit while she's gone. I don't even bat an eye when my husband leaves now and days. I just grumble and complain about the inconvinence of the army turning my life upside down for another year.

[KitTyNbAsS]

A year can change a lot though!! The D word tastes like vinegar coming out of my mouth. =\

[qponmom3]

Friends are key. Even just one friend who knows what your going through helps make a big difference. Attend any support groups given by the command. If the couple has kids suggest they find another couple within the command that has kids as well that would like to get together every so often for a kid/craft/movie night. Keeping busy was my main thing. If I was busy I worried less. No news is good news! Send a daily email to the deployed to just remind them you are thinking of them, praying for them and the command and love them and to reassure them everything is fine on the homefront. Being a military spouse is the hardest job in the world and it takes a very special person to fill this role.

I like the idea of your book, I really wish someone had done something like that for us when my hubby was deployed.

[liibyz]

I like this thread. My so is getting ready to deploy in a couple months and its difficult on both of us. Doesn't help that I have no one to relate to. No one that understands. Thank you for the tips.

[Carrina]

My DH has had his share of Deployments over the 14 years he has been in thus far. I really remember his 1st deployment because I just gave birth to a baby boy that had so many medical problems he was in and out of the ER every other week. They let him stay home till we knew he was going to survive (ty god). But he deployed about 3 weeks after. I was a new mom, new to the military life and FAR FAR away from home. My husbands Squadron was a bunch of Tools (all the wifes for the most part.) So I was drowning in deep deep depression. I wouldnt leave the house AT ALL. I only would go to teh grocery store and home THATS IT. This is when I started to coupon. My husband learned right quick that something was up when he could barely open the side door near our pantry (when he returned). I still have issues till this day leaving the house without him. But What I think helped me the most of the years when finding busy work (coupons and a support grp). I actually made some really nice Friends on his 3rd deployment which got me out of the house more then just to the commy. It was a process for me. I think the first deployment Post Parndom was playing a HUGE factor. His boss would even come check on me ever 3 days and bring me little things to cheer me up. 4th deployment I had one really good friend and the support grp i would go to however, there were alot of woman that felt that they where better then everyone due to rank issues. So instead of going to a support grp I walked and walked. I lost 40lbs while he was gone. It was not that health since i was down to 115lbs or less ish. I did gain 20 of that back when he got back. I guess its true you do eat alot more when your happy.

Sorry If my grammer is off alot. Im just typing with what I am thinking and remembering right off the top of my head.

The months or week prior deployment I think is always really AWKWARD. Because your always feeling like he is gone already sorta or always thinking about the "doom" Day. I always say That you should talk about it however not everyday. Make it a appoint to make the days you do have together meaningful. Try not to fight take deep breaths, You do not want that chip on your shoulder before he leaves. It just makes it more difficult. Try to do things with him that you enjoy the most and make sure that you cut out that time in the weeks for you just you and him. Its really important to just endulge yourselfs together.

[Annie4pres]

I remember the first time mine deployed. It was by far the hardest, I was a mess. It's a good thing she is talking to you about it because I didn't talk to anyone about it and it only made things worst. I think just being an ear when she needs it will help more than you know, even if you don't know what to say.

[Dizneywatcher]

I had a great group of ladies that I spent time with the first time my DH deployed. We got out and saw things/did things our husband's probably wouldn't do but we would. Every once in a while, we would get together for a "movie night" with a DVD and popcorn. We let our kiddo's play and we watched a flick. We would also get together to eat about once a month. I learned to make doughnuts from scratch because of those ladies

[The Tang Way]

Mostly everyone touched on what I was doing to say.

Staying BUSY! Holy crap you have to live your life and be happy. You can't sit hope and be poopy faced while he's gone... you know that would make him sad too. The Military community has enough opportunities to stay busy it will make your head spin. Not sure if there is a ACS or FRG she can get involved in.

Also just something terribly cute... "The pink in his world of camo" Heh... I might be stuffy and grumpy but I can be cute.