[krazi4koupons]

I finally found a job again on December after not being able to for 2 years. I'm just part time currently and not making nearly enough money to support us, especially considering we've got a mortgage...

I found out tonight that my husband put in his 2 weeks at work yesterday. I know that he's been very unhappy and he's been looking for a new job but he just quit without even talking to me about it first. He worked 2 whole days before I even found out about it.

what do I do? I feel like I just want to punch him in the face or something. he won't even talk to me about it and I'm so mad right now I could just explode!

(sorry if this is in the wrong place)

[MrsFlowers]

I feel your frustration. My husband quit his job, although I know his reason, he is still getting over his stress from being very sick. (cancer) but I have a 7 week old and was not ready to go back to work yet. Hang in there, maybe something good will come from this.

[flower_mom]

What do you do? I don't know. I think I'd be in the same place you are (wanting to punch him). I know it get totally frustrating when they won't even TALK to you about whatever it is! Wishing you sanity and patience during this trying time!

[nowpoints]

Even though he quit, could it possibly be a situation where he could get Unemployment?
If so, he should apply right away.

Can you talk to any of your family members? Success comes from a multitude of counselors in any tough situation.
You sure wouldn't want to hold this pressure in & get sick from it. Hugs to you.

[kperez]

omg i can relate, to the urge of wanting to punch him in the face! i would and have felt the same. my husband had trouble for almost 2 yrs getting hired anywhere. he had these horrible moods and was depressed alot of the time towards the last of it. i was losing it too, it was so hard for me to be the strong one pushing him forward when it seemed like he had already given up. everyone told me to put myself in his shoes and be sensitive but i did. and what about me!? no one knew what i was going through or sympathized with me. at the time i was going to school fulltime and we had our first baby. we even had our second baby and still no steady job. he complained constantly about things he should have done like go back to school and blah blah blah. well long story short, he got everything he asked for, all at once. i helped him enroll in school and shortly after on my birthday last yr in aug. he got a call saying he had been hired at lowes part time. we do landscaping on the side and he kept doing that all while in school. even after getting everything he wanted he still complains that its too much or never enough. drives me nuts! i feel like he takes his frustration out on me and that hes never happy. its also hard getting him to open up.
my uncle gave me the best advice ever, and it honestly has worked. he told me to leave him alone, me nagging him to talk to me only makes it worse. leave him alone, if he wants to talk he will come around, and he does, occupy yourself with something else in the mean time. i know you want to know who what and why, but talk to someone else to get your feelings out. i think he didnt want to tell you because he himself knew it was a bad move without letting you know and he probably doesnt know how to explain himself. if after sometime he still wont talk to you then you need to sit him down and let him know you need info on whats going to happen. my uncle also said not to talk aggresively and to "blow smoke up his ***" ask him, what can i do to help you in this situation. everytime my husbands has a melt down about school or work, i ask him, what can i do to help you and its amazing how his mood changes, he kinda mellows out. i think your husband feels the tension and your anger towards him and is scared. i really hope you figure this all out. i know how scary and crappy times like that are. let your feelings out, just not on his face! i know at times i wish i had a person outside the situation who didnt know me and couldnt pass judgement later when the situation changed. feel free to PM me.

[becky0899]

Wow...my husband lost his job 2 weeks ago and I draw unemployment and it was totally unexpected! Can he withdraw his 2 week notice? Even if he's unhappy with his job I would think he would wait til he found a new job! I don't blame you for wanting to punch him in the face...he should think of his family first! Hope it gets better!

[lvmyhubby2001]

I am not going to say I know what you are going through with your husband quitting his job. My husband finally got on disability after over 4 years. I do however know what you are going through with him not talking to you. My husband is the same way. There is not alot of communication with us. I have learned though it is much smoother sailing when I don't press issues. He has never been the type to open up. Wishing it could be different with him, but I think it has a lot to do with his past and his childhood. So I guess the best I can tell you is to give him time. Maybe he will come to you. Hoping you have someone to vent to as I don't. Hang in there. Where there is a will there is a way.

[iheartsales]

I dont think that you are wrong at all - more than anything I wonder why he would make such a big decision without talking with you about it.

A job is just a job and if he hates it that much then maybe he should have quit but he certainly should have at least let you in on his plans. What does he say when he refuses to talk about it? You are his partner, not the enemy so I dont know why hes treating you like that.

[Weatie]

I dont want to sound like a bad guy here but.....

Could your husband of hated his job so much that he just couldnt take it anymore even though he doesnt have one lined up its better to him than to go there everyday?

Pehaps he needs emotional support.

IMO Everyone should do what he/she feels is best for their physical and emotional well being.

I agree with the poster's Uncle that suggested to let him be himself. If he did snap. Hopefully its not a perminate snap and it will pass.

[lavenderrose]

Originally Posted by MrsFlowers

I feel your frustration. My husband quit his job, although I know his reason, he is still getting over his stress from being very sick. (cancer) but I have a 7 week old and was not ready to go back to work yet. Hang in there, maybe something good will come from this.

I saw your other post

Are you sure they are allowed to cut you off with a tiny ,tiny baby ?

sorry to hijack !

[mistyflannigan]

When my last place of employment said they had to lay some people off, I was the first to volunteer to go. Even though it took me six months to find a decent job, I was grateful I was able to leave that toxic environment with my life. If you pressure him to stay and he goes postal, you will be full of regret.

[iheartsales]

If it was that bad then I think he should have quit, the issue I have is with him not talking with her about it before (or after) he did so. Im sure he has his reasons and very well may need emotional support but if he refuses to talk to her about it then she cant give him the support he needs.

Either way, its done now so you should attempt to be as understanding as you can be and hopefully he will come around and talk to you about it soon.

[tratra]

You need the support too, OP. That's a 2-way street. He just removed the main (?) source of income for your household without consulting you and now is being a brat by not addressing the concerns you voice. Your anger is completely justified, IMO. It would be weird if you weren't angry or feeling betrayed. I'd be pushing him to get the job back and then quit when he has a new one or to replace the one he quit from immediately or sooner with one that he thinks he'll like better.

[kmayhew]

Originally Posted by mistyflannigan

When my last place of employment said they had to lay some people off, I was the first to volunteer to go. Even though it took me six months to find a decent job, I was grateful I was able to leave that toxic environment with my life. If you pressure him to stay and he goes postal, you will be full of regret.

I agree. I quit my job today as a matter of fact. After months and months of agonizing over it my husband agreed that it would be much better for our family if I wasn't so stressed all the time. I know I was lucky to have had a job in the first place during these hard economic times but I just couldn't take what was going on at my job and I would often bring my frustrations home to my family. I do think the Op's husband should have discussed it with her first but perhaps like others have said this may be a blessing in disguise. A person can only take so much.

[krazi4koupons]

thanks everyone for all of the responses. I worked 12 hours today, so I'm just now reading them all.

My problem is not that he quit his job, it's that he quit his job and then didn't even tell me for 2 days. It's not even like it was just so bad one day that he quit and then he came home and told me that he quit... he just quit and didn't mention it at all to me... and there's no unemployment because he quit.

The last thing in the world that I want is for him to be unhappy. I agree that he should've quit if he was that unhappy but I also think that he should've thought about it before jumping to such a quick decision. He is our main source of income and he also has benefits with his job (health insurance).

I finally got him to talk to me about it a little bit last night. I told him that I thought that he needed to go talk to his boss and see if there was any other solution. He's a supervisor in a dining hall on a college campus and there are a lot of people that he has to answer to and there has been a lot of stress recently. We've had a lot of problems in our relationship recently as well - I think because he's been so unhappy with his job.

So anyway, he talked to his boss today and he's already put in the paperwork to terminate his employment but he's going to see if there's anything that can be done. I think that I talked some sense into my husband because he agreed that he should've thought about things before doing something so drastic.

I'm just having such a hard time understanding why he thought it was anywhere near okay to quit. People work jobs that they hate all of the time.... and he know first had how long it takes to find a new job because it took me over 2 years to find a part time job. I'm just scared of what's going to happen now because it's impossible for me to make enough money for me to pay all of our bills.

[pro_well]

Sorry for what's going on in your life. First, good job getting your job! You have a lot of people giving you ideas on how to get though this. It's hard to step back and let things happen the way it has too. I feel that you sould give him sometime and give yourself a time frame. Lets say a week for him to deal with things and you could use a break yourself. If more time goes by then talk with him about it. I've had MANY years with my hubby to understand what your going though!
You have to stand for something even if he's sits down right now.
HANG ON!! DON'T LET GO!! Rest if you must, but don't give up!

[nowpoints]

Is your DH a "gunnysacker"? Someone who holds everything in for great periods of time & then gets overwhelmed, making poor decisions? The reason I ask is, Life's problems get bigger. Especially if you add kids. Dealing with the issues may just make a much better future for both of you!

I'm sure he is in much pain, but I am more concerned about you.
IF he copes by letting things get so bad that he gives up, & then still can't communicate, to me that means he needs counseling to obtain coping skills, problem-solving skills & how to ask for what he needs.
He isolates himself for sure.

Sometimes, people learn poor coping skills from their family. With men, watch how the same sex parent handles things-his Father or the male who raised him.
Sometimes problems are blessings in disguise, & they can be nipped in the bud early & learned from/healed. Everyone & every marriage has something to work on.
I think you are right-on.
Please keep us updated.

[nowpoints]

Hi krazy4koupons-any news about the termination paperwork being stopped today?
Hugs to you, I think you are a smart lady, you sound awesome.

[schoward]

What a tough situation. How sad he was so unhappy it happened this way. Big hugs your way. I've had a job I hated before and dreamed of just quitting but I didn't have a family or mortgage at the time. Hope it all works out for you.

[kathyroberts]

Originally Posted by krazi4koupons

thanks everyone for all of the responses. I worked 12 hours today, so I'm just now reading them all.

My problem is not that he quit his job, it's that he quit his job and then didn't even tell me for 2 days. It's not even like it was just so bad one day that he quit and then he came home and told me that he quit... he just quit and didn't mention it at all to me... and there's no unemployment because he quit.

The last thing in the world that I want is for him to be unhappy. I agree that he should've quit if he was that unhappy but I also think that he should've thought about it before jumping to such a quick decision. He is our main source of income and he also has benefits with his job (health insurance).

I finally got him to talk to me about it a little bit last night. I told him that I thought that he needed to go talk to his boss and see if there was any other solution. He's a supervisor in a dining hall on a college campus and there are a lot of people that he has to answer to and there has been a lot of stress recently. We've had a lot of problems in our relationship recently as well - I think because he's been so unhappy with his job.

So anyway, he talked to his boss today and he's already put in the paperwork to terminate his employment but he's going to see if there's anything that can be done. I think that I talked some sense into my husband because he agreed that he should've thought about things before doing something so drastic.

I'm just having such a hard time understanding why he thought it was anywhere near okay to quit. People work jobs that they hate all of the time.... and he know first had how long it takes to find a new job because it took me over 2 years to find a part time job. I'm just scared of what's going to happen now because it's impossible for me to make enough money for me to pay all of our bills.

I feel your pain! My husband quit his job in Nov. '10 making 70K a year and so far, NOTHING! His job was so very stressful that his blood pressure was thru the roof and we decided together that he had to quit. It wasn't worth dying for. We have NO unemployment and NO real source of income. We cashed in 1 IRA, about 4K, and have been living off savings and selling off unwanted items. We're running out of options, but I have faith. His BP is normal now, he's unemployed, but yet he is alive!!! Hang in there.

[homeschoolmomof2]

It's very hard for a man to express his feelings. They are not made the way a woman is. They are expected to be strong and keep their feelings to themselves. They are expected to be the breadwinner and put up with everything and anything (from the public's and other men's perspectives). But it's not always possible. My husband, who is only 38 years old, recently started drawing disability and it effected him emotionally, almost as much as he was physically disabled. He could not stand not being able to work and provide for the family as he always had in the past.
Sometimes a person is in a job situation that they just cannot handle any longer. Men, especially, do not always feel comfortable explaining all the goings on at work and all the stress.
Take this time to encourage him to do what he's always wanted to do, whether looking for that "special" job that's always interested him, or go back to school, full time or part time. There are lots of government fundings and helps for people going back to school and helping with not only tuition and books, but also with daily living costs.
If another job is not found immediately, contact your mortgage lender. Don't leave them hanging. When my husband couldn't work (he had no income for 13 months), I found most everyone to be helpful if I would just put forth some effort on my end.
It's hard for you not to become fustrated, but try to help keep the peace at home, use us here, your girlfriends at AFC to vent your worries and fustrations.
These are the kind of times that test your marriage, but they can also bring you so much closer and make your marriage ever so stronger if you will just allow it.
Stand strong, girl...
Michelle

[Lfwh]

I can relate to this discussion from the miserable job aspect. My husband works at job that gives him a lot of stress. I am amazed he doesn't have an ulcer. He wants out of the job but the money is good. He knows he won't find anything else out there that pays as well, health benefits etc.. and has consistent days off so he puts up with it.

It really breaks me heart some days for him to see what the stress does to him.

But he is very much the silent type until it builds up to a point where he needs to get it off his chest. So I let him have his space when he is not talkative and eventually it will come out. It used to bother me when he would give me the silent treatment, but now I understand it's not directed at me, it's his job getting to him.

[krazi4koupons]

sorry I haven't responded in a few days, I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I've been working as many hours as I can and trying hard not to get into any more fights with hubby. I'm still so mad at him.

Originally Posted by nowpoints

Is your DH a "gunnysacker"? Someone who holds everything in for great periods of time & then gets overwhelmed, making poor decisions? The reason I ask is, Life's problems get bigger. Especially if you add kids. Dealing with the issues may just make a much better future for both of you!

I'm sure he is in much pain, but I am more concerned about you.
IF he copes by letting things get so bad that he gives up, & then still can't communicate, to me that means he needs counseling to obtain coping skills, problem-solving skills & how to ask for what he needs.
He isolates himself for sure.

Sometimes, people learn poor coping skills from their family. With men, watch how the same sex parent handles things-his Father or the male who raised him.
Sometimes problems are blessings in disguise, & they can be nipped in the bud early & learned from/healed. Everyone & every marriage has something to work on.
I think you are right-on.
Please keep us updated.

my hubby is the kind of person who just keeps things in. usually he'll get annoyed/frustrated/mad about something and then a few minutes later he just forgets about it.... that's usually great (except when I'm trying to get him to talk to me)... but with work, he just let it all pile up for months. I knew that he was unhappy and he told me that he hadn't gone into work on monday thinking that he was going to quit, but I guess something happened and it was just the last straw. I wouldn't have been so mad if he had come home on monday and told me but he waited until tuesday evening.

[krazi4koupons]

a few more things...

no update on the job situation. hubby works weekends but his main boss doesn't and no one that could undo the paperwork does either... I'm guessing that he probably did something thurs/friday but I don't know. I'm just trying to stay positive. more than the loss of income, I'm worried about the loss of insurance.

also, I think that if he was making more money, he wouldn't have been so miserable... but he's underpaid and hasn't gotten a raise the whole time that he's worked in this job - almost 4 years.

I'm still so angry that he quit and kept if from me...

[5kidsmama]

I woud have to think its one thing to have a stressful job, but I would have to think it is equally stressful when you can't make your mortgage.

I would probably simplly ask what his plan is to support his family. be3cause clearly he must have had some kind of plan