[MrsPrice47]

Here goes... I have two babies under two ds 22 months, and dd 4 months. Here is a little background history. My husband is a minister of music at a church that is over a hour away. I was attending with him up until this July. But the ride and "overly long and drawn out" church service wore on me and my ds patience. Then I went from one to two babies alone in church. Its hard to handle 2 babies in church alone when you have one you have to hold and the other won't be still. That church really bothered me b/c every Sunday before I would hit the door, people came up to me asking me if I want to the send my ds to the nursery. This got really annoying. Each sunday for about 3 months straight I had to tell people no, this was before my daughter was born so it wasn't a big deal to have him in the service. After my dd was born I think I might have gone to only 3 more services b/c at the time she was so little and inactive that she didn't mind staying in her carrier. But it was so tiring and exhausting trying to maintain both of them....and don't forget I'm nursing my daughter and not a fan of pumping...so throw that into the mix.
So, there is a church just about 5 mins away that we've attended off and on when we first moved to our town that has an 8 oclock service. So, my dh and I decided that we would start going to the 8 am service and then he would go and play at the other church by himself. That way I can have some help in during service. Bottom line we are trying to getget my ds to learn how to act, sit relatively still and not be soooo loud. We are only in church from 8 til 9. But he is in the stage of wanting to have his way and falling out and jumping around on the floor and screaming... you know how that goes.. terrible 2's early. He's getting better...thankfully. I wrote of all this to say that now at the 8 am service when he starts to get restless...people will come and say they will take him downstairs or outside so he can walk around and play. I think that is sending the wrong msg b/c that tells him when I act up I get to have my way....noooo! I wish people would leave other peoples kids alone in church and let the parent deal with them and stop feeling the need to rescue the child or the parent! I know they my have good intentions but its embarrasing number 1..it seems like we can't handle our own child and it undermines what we are saying and doing.
Then to make matters worse the past two sundays these two other boys came to sit and "play" with him. When my son is excited or is laughing he screams really loud, thats how he play (I'm working on that too) You would think the mothers would come and get their children or not even let them come back..especially seeing that we are dealing with our own child...bothers me! Next Sunday we are going to talk to other child's parents, hopefully they wont get offended. But realistically we can add to more children to the mix...they were taking his toys (that we use for distraction and to keep him entertained)and books, trying to go in his backpack and my diaper bag to see what was in there...OMG! Also these kids are over 6 and my child isn't even 2. ARRGGHHH...
I'm not totally against church nurseries and removing the an unruly child from service (i totally agree with this), but when does a child learn how to act??..not all of the time is play time. Sorry for such a long post...just venting Any advice or similar situation?!?!

[carmended]

Oh tough situation here, at least you ds isn't like mine and starts yelling NOOOO when we start praying, we go early in the morning and when he starts acting up we go to the cry baby room, i don't want to disturb others who are there. I know what you are saying you don't want them to learn that if they act up they can leave what they don't like, but to my just my opinion its not fair to other people to hear my ds screaming and carrying on. I am not sure what kinda advice i can give ya but just praise him when he is doing a good job. When he is being good tell him, I am very proud of your for sitting still and listening to mommy. Just my opinion, good luck!! :-)

[MrsPrice47]

LOL...I totally agree with you and we do take him out when he starts carrying on b/c you are exactly right its not fair to others, But my thing is that at the first noise I'm going to wisk him out we try to negotiate first and try to get him to settle down and if the doesn't work we do take him out, but I think thats our job and not other peoples..and if he was just with us and other kiddies he would do alot better. I dunno...child-rearing is a non-stop job. We do alot of positive reinforcement too. That does help. Thanks for your advice.... this too shall past! LOL (its kinda funny we you look back on the stuff they do, but it soooo not funny in the moment!)

Originally Posted by carmended

Oh tough situation here, at least you ds isn't like mine and starts yelling NOOOO when we start praying, we go early in the morning and when he starts acting up we go to the cry baby room, i don't want to disturb others who are there. I know what you are saying you don't want them to learn that if they act up they can leave what they don't like, but to my just my opinion its not fair to other people to hear my ds screaming and carrying on. I am not sure what kinda advice i can give ya but just praise him when he is doing a good job. When he is being good tell him, I am very proud of your for sitting still and listening to mommy. Just my opinion, good luck!! :-)

[lovemydh]

That IS a really hard question 2 answer. First of all. I don't know ANY 2 year old that is going 2 sit for a whole hour and be quiet. If you have one then truely u have a miracle child. I don't know what type of church you attend however maybe you could have him with you for the signing part and then take him 2 the nursery later. I really don't believe the people are trying 2 be fussy in any way they are really just trying 2 help you. They can see how hard of a time you are having. Plus an even harder time with the 4 month old. But once again you have 2 do what is right for your family. Good luck.

[susanstrad]

Your kids will be better when they get older. It's just the stage all parents get to go through. I don't think it is ok to bother others with the noise however. If he won't quiet down quickly, you do need to take him out. Just make sure that taking him out is not a reward for him. Can you bring small snacks or quiet toys?

[jhcottle]

My thought on the matter is this: no child under 2 can be expected to sit quietly through an hour long church service. It's just not gonna happen. Plus, how much are you and your husband receiving from the message if you're focused on keeping him quiet the entire time.
In reality, 3 is a better age to teach them the basics of sitting through a church service. Why not keep him with you during the worship part and then the nursery during the sermon? That way he can somewhat participate.

[vavcon3]

No church that I've ever been to has had a nursery, so it's never been an option. I know I have never been upset or disturbed by a child crying. IMO church is family time.

When DS was young, DH or I would hold him. We did not bring any food or drink and only a quiet toy to hold or distract. Pretty much this is what all the other parents do as well. Some have to juggle from mom to dad and back again and maybe take a walk outside if the child is overly antsy or upset.

[sar1]

I'd compare this to the advice I got from our dentist on brusing our toddler's teeth. No matter what, just don't make her hate getting her teeth brushed. Don't force her to do it at this age. If you're struggling and he's struggling to do what you want him to, he's not going to enjoy going to church. If you make it a negative event for him every week, he's going to dread going and probably not be really inclined to sit there like a quiet little angel.

What about negotiating with him? If you know he can behave for the first two parts of the service, tell him before you go that if he behaves until the end of the ____ (insert church service part here) then he can go to the nursery. If he's not old enough to understand negotiating like that (mine is only 19 months, so I'm not sure about 22), then he's probably not old enough to understand why he needs to sit quietly for a full hour during church.

BTW - what is up with other parents expecting you to entertain their kids during the service? That's just rude. Good luck - I know you're trying your hardest.

[jenniferd131]

good luck to you, I have a son with mental disabilities, he is now 16 but at the age of 4 he was kicked out of church, hence, i have not taken him back or gone back myself, because I don't want my child to remember being kicked out of church and think that God does not accept him the way he is. I comend you for what you are doing, you and your dh sound like great parents. Two little ones can be a handful, good luck to you and God Bless you and your family, it will get easier

[sweetmom]

Good luck to you!!!! That is why I don't attend to service. Yeah, I know, excuses excuses

[Ms Coo P'on]

Originally Posted by jenniferd131

good luck to you, I have a son with mental disabilities, he is now 16 but at the age of 4 he was kicked out of church, hence, i have not taken him back or gone back myself, because I don't want my child to remember being kicked out of church and think that God does not accept him the way he is. I comend you for what you are doing, you and your dh sound like great parents. Two little ones can be a handful, good luck to you and God Bless you and your family, it will get easier

I have 2 small boys on the Autism spectrum and we were "kindly" asked to stop disturbing the congergation last Winter when they were 2 and 3. Grrrr

To the OP.......Our church leave the back 3 rows assigned to families with young children and we even have a room in the far back with the sound and video available for nursing mommys or "loud children", do you have anything similar? Having two little ones is a handful but it will probably get better for you with time.

[iamamommy]

I too have a special needs child and have been asked to leave because he likes to giggle. I never knew church goers NOT to like a happy child...but I guess they don't.

I haven't been back because I don't want people to shush a happy child. I don't want to send the wrong message to him that he can't be happy.

2 is a tough age. No child at 2 wants to sit still...it's torture. I think the most a 2 year old toddler lasts is 15 minutes...then a break...then maybe just maybe another 15 minutes.

Good luck.

[AprilMG]

DD is 2 1/2 and we are going thru the same thing. There isn't a nursery at our church, well there is a room, but no one to sit back there with her, unless I take her, and just listen over a speaker. Plus DH works every other week, so he hardly can go with us, so I'm left to fight with her myself. We get horrible looks when she starts to get antsy. Sometimes I'm not sure to go...fight w/ her & get stares or just stay at home and watch church on TV.
Hopefully as they get a little older they'll get better. But how are they going to learn if they don't have to sit??

[Alexdur85]

.. I wasn't expecting to get advice while reading this myself but thanks! The only way Emily will brush her teeth is if I let her do it herself so I bought her an electric toothbrush (She loves it, great for teething!) and she copies me when I brush mine. I also pretend to put toothpaste on it and it's get her exictited.. anyway.. sorry to get off topic..

I completely agree with Sar1. I think the example is perfect and I could not have said it better myself!

Originally Posted by sar1

I'd compare this to the advice I got from our dentist on brusing our toddler's teeth. No matter what, just don't make her hate getting her teeth brushed. Don't force her to do it at this age. If you're struggling and he's struggling to do what you want him to, he's not going to enjoy going to church. If you make it a negative event for him every week, he's going to dread going and probably not be really inclined to sit there like a quiet little angel.

What about negotiating with him? If you know he can behave for the first two parts of the service, tell him before you go that if he behaves until the end of the ____ (insert church service part here) then he can go to the nursery. If he's not old enough to understand negotiating like that (mine is only 19 months, so I'm not sure about 22), then he's probably not old enough to understand why he needs to sit quietly for a full hour during church.

BTW - what is up with other parents expecting you to entertain their kids during the service? That's just rude. Good luck - I know you're trying your hardest.

[sar1]

Originally Posted by Alexdur85

.. I wasn't expecting to get advice while reading this myself but thanks! The only way Emily will brush her teeth is if I let her do it herself so I bought her an electric toothbrush (She loves it, great for teething!) and she copies me when I brush mine. I also pretend to put toothpaste on it and it's get her exictited.. anyway.. sorry to get off topic..

I completely agree with Sar1. I think the example is perfect and I could not have said it better myself!

I've been thinking about getting DD an electric toothbrush b/c she's really starting to not let us brush them anymore. She used to really like it and laughed while we brushed them as long as we let her start it herself and take over a few times. She'll do the brushing motions, but obviously not enough to do much. I think you just talked me into an electric for her. I used to look at them as an unnecessary luxury/toy but for now I think it's what I should do to get her brushing again.

(And so my online-girl-crush on Alex continues... )

[DiannC]

My 18 month old LOVES church. She goes with my mom as often as she can (I am usually unable to attend, hazards of working retail). She stays in the sanctuary for the first parts of the service, the singing, greetings, choir, more singing, etc, then she goes happily to the nursery to play and read books. I understand that you want your son to be with you, but 40 minutes or so for a sermon really isn't that long for him to be watched in a safe environment (I know my mom's church nursery workers have to have background checks and pass courses before they can watch the kids). It is also much too early to expect him to sit still and behave for that long. At my mom's church they don't expect anyone under the age of 10 to sit through the whole service and have a special children's services in the classrooms during the "adult" sermon.
I also agree with jhcottle, how are you receiving the message of the sermon if you are spending all your time trying to entertain your son? And the other adults offering to take your son are not trying to be meddling, they are only trying to be helpful. They are trying to give you the opportunity to listen to the sermon without having to entertain your son, honestly, I think a lot of people would jump at that chance (but maybe that's just me).

[MrsPrice47]

Im hoping and praying that as they get older they will get better. Practice makes perfect. Hopefully tomorrow goes well....

Originally Posted by AprilMG

DD is 2 1/2 and we are going thru the same thing. There isn't a nursery at our church, well there is a room, but no one to sit back there with her, unless I take her, and just listen over a speaker. Plus DH works every other week, so he hardly can go with us, so I'm left to fight with her myself. We get horrible looks when she starts to get antsy. Sometimes I'm not sure to go...fight w/ her & get stares or just stay at home and watch church on TV.
Hopefully as they get a little older they'll get better. But how are they going to learn if they don't have to sit??