[grace.maddie]

though i would never do it on perpouse i have probably shushed more than one kids in public. i have three toddlers, so it is natural for me to shush when things get loud, sometimes it takes me a minute to realize it wan't my kids.

it sounds more like you felt your parenting skills were questioned than that she hurt your child. and i totally understand that. kids get noisy sometimes, but as long as you are on top of it i wouldn't give this a second thought. give your child the respect your elders, even if they are wron speech and be thankful for the lesson. jmho

[pshcubfan]

I have a hard time with alot of these replies.This is why kids are out of control today. Parents take no responsibility for their actions. They defend their kids & never allow them to be corrected.Hey, my dd was 3 once also & she could be a total brat in a store. You have to correct your kids. I can't stand going out & listening to someones loud kids while the parents think every scream they utter is music. Consider the rest of us, please.I also did girl scouts & the worst behaved kids were the ones whose parents believed their angels could do no wrong. I would probably get irrated at someone speaking to my daughter but if it was that loud maybe you should have noticed it before the other lady spoke.

[momaunique]

Oh please!
The store was a great place to teach your child respect for others as well.
It was kinda stupid the lady with the speaker phone told your child to shush since she was also being noisy. It would have been a good time to explain this to your child.
Lashing out at the lady was WRONG and not appropriate example for your child in this situation.
Also, it is NEVER appropriate for a child(ren) to run and holler in stores unless it's a stranger abduction situation. Another good time to explain this to your child. It's like crying wolf. If others notice children goofing off in a store screaming how are the others to know they may actually need help???????
I know children will have their meltdowns(tantrums),tears of being tired etc. We as parents need to take care of this. Take them out of the situation explain if you continue this was we will have to leave. If they continue...GO HOME! And on the way home TALK to YOUR CHILD we were not to get our necessary shopping done and tomorrow their will be no Milk... If your child has any smarts he/she will figure this out!
Children cry/talk loud. But,not everyone should have to be torchered with it!!!!!!
I go out to eat to enjoy my meal, I go shopping to get needed items. I understand cries and talking/giggling but it is TOTALLY unacceptabe to allow children to run in stores for the whole extent of the parents trip. The store is not CHEAP DAYCARE!!!!
And although you have learned to tune out your child's whinning, I do not have that capability since YOUR child is not MINE!

Sorry, I had to get this off my chest. Some mothers feel self rightous that their children can do anything they want in public or too tired/broke down by their own child/children. WRONG!!!! I have always made sure my son was respectful of others. I'm sure this wasn't the situation on this shopping experience. Just had to sound off.

[happypat35]

Originally Posted by pshcubfan

I have a hard time with alot of these replies.This is why kids are out of control today. Parents take no responsibility for their actions. They defend their kids & never allow them to be corrected.Hey, my dd was 3 once also & she could be a total brat in a store. You have to correct your kids. I can't stand going out & listening to someones loud kids while the parents think every scream they utter is music. Consider the rest of us, please.I also did girl scouts & the worst behaved kids were the ones whose parents believed their angels could do no wrong. I would probably get irrated at someone speaking to my daughter but if it was that loud maybe you should have noticed it before the other lady spoke.

So having a cell phone on speaker phone is okay and talking loudly on a cell phone is okay. A little three year old cannot always remember the rules, but a little nudging by the mom will get her to remember. Sometimes adults are just as bad as the kids.

[Henna]

I bet that woman is the type who would have given you a look or comment if you had been listening to YOUR messages on speakerphone! Good for you for not taking it lying down. She was out of line.

[aaronalita]

Wow! What a response Janae!!! From what you told me this afternoon, it sounded like Rude Lady was not in line (as some have suggested) and therefore prohibited from taking her messages and phone calls to a more appropriate venue. Your kid was not screaming her head off (as was also suggested in this forum) although she was a bit loud. IMO nobody has the right to shush my kid under any circumstances. It also sounded like you were in the process of dealing with your child how you felt you should by asking her to be quiet. Even if Rude Lady had hearing problems or an urgent phone call, it is never appropriate to try to discipline someone else's child.

It is ludicrous to assume that a person does NOT discipline their kids just because they have a problem with someone else sticking their nose where it doesn't belong. I have a friend with a son that suffers from Autism and he often gets loud in public places. I bet she would be seriously offended if someone took it upon themselves to stick their face in her child's face and shush them. That is the problem with assuming that role of disciplining someone else's child. You have NO idea what that child may be experiencing or what problems they may deal with. Anyway. I am still appalled by what you experienced and applaud you for standing up to yourself.

[mlb23947]

I am not sure what the message was, but it could have been a list of things to buy. The message could have been please make sure it has this or does not have that in it. There could have been a reason why they did not take it outside. Was it raining or storming? The message said they were not in line, did they roll up to where the lady was speaking?
Some people use phones only for important things. The other day I was at cvs, and my dd called me to tell me a friend of hers was just killed in a car crash. That to me is important. It was pouring rain outside. If I had been in a corner talking and someone pushed the cart up to me and a kid was loud(we live in a rural area and the contection not always good) I might ask them to please tone it down a bit. There are always two sides of the story.

Mary

[DiannC]

I understand why you would get upset, but I can see her side too. I work in a mid-size retail store and even when kids are being moderately loud it sounds LOUD. I have also noticed that most parents don't notice their kids are disrupting other people until it's gone a bit too far. I have a toddler that behaves better then some pre-teens. I'm not saying that this is what your daughter was doing, but if you were going to shush her anyway I don't really see the issue.

What really bugs me about this thread the whole thing on autism. I don't see autism as an excuse to be noisy and disruptive and this is why. I have Aspergers syndrome, have had it for much of my life, although I wasn't diagnosed until about 10 years ago. For those of you who don't know what Aspergers is it's an autism spectrum disorder, generally considered a form of high functioning autism. Now, I am 25 and I wasn't properly diagnosed until I was in my early teens, back then autism wasn't the "popular" thing that it is now. When I was growing up I was expected to behave, disability or no disability. I didn't have the "benefit" of using my disability as an excuse as many kids now do, even ADHD is used as an excuse when kids are just generally misbehaving.
I think that many parents use labels to excuse bad behavior. I know it's not a popular opinion, but it's mine

[LadyRaine]

Originally Posted by Madmurphy

It takes a village.
If the mother thought the child was loud enough that she was about to tell her to "shh" herself, then the child had to be pretty loud. We all know parents let childrens' noise levels go beyond the level what those without children would.

I have two teens, so I've been there with young ones in the store acting rowdy (as they often can when out in public). I have always been very aware of those around us, noise levels, etc. In no way did I believe my toddler's right to be a kid outranked someone else's right to have a pleasant experience.
And I do believe that some things are simply natural to kids. They told us for years that something must be wrong with my son's hearing as he was so dang loud. Nope, that was just him! Now, at 18, he mumbles and no one can understand a dang thing he says!
When we were in a store and he was loud, he was told to use his indoor voice. We had a rating. "More indoor/less indoor". If he simply couldn't, we'd shop another time.
Now that it's been a while since I've had small ones, I find I am less tolerant of some kids when I'm shopping. There was a family in Wags the other day; kid (age 6 or so) was incessantly whining for a toy. They were outright ignoring him so this went on for some 20 min. I was going out of my mind!! I couldn't even focus on what I was there for, it was so loud and ongoing!
On the flip side there was a toddler behind me in line who made a small fuss, mom distracted him with a job, "Hold this for me", I asked him a question, all was well.

That said, it would have to be outright danger for me to say one word to someone else's kid. If they aren't running into traffic, gonna split their head open, licking a socket I won't say a word. No one has to parent like I do, no matter how much I disagree.

[janaes]

I am the one who originally posted this and I feel I need to clear a few things up. First of all my daughter talks a little loud all the time and I am constantly trying to get her to talk more quietly. Second she was not running around the store or doing anything wrong. She was walking behind me, talking to me a little loud. She was behaving quite well.
Third the Woman on the phone chose to get her messages at that specific time she did not receive a phone call and she was not in line to purchase her things. She was walking around the store and could have picked up the message as soon as she left the store or went to another area of the store.
As for myself I am not a person who generally says anything to people when they are rude. But I was upset when she Shushed my daughter, when I was already handling it. My daughter not yours!
And lastly I do not need therapy as some have suggested for anger management. I was just saying I wanted to smack her. Haven't you people ever heard of an expression. Or have you not ever been upset at something. I would never do that. I have never "smacked" or hit anyone. So I think some of you need to relax! I just thought I would tell my coupon buddies about a woman I thought was rude. End of story.

[Random Refunder]

What did she say after you told her that? ~being nosey & curious I guess **~

I agree that it was out of line, and I would have been defensive too.

It may be that the woman really didn't think about what she was doing or meant it in an ill manner. I mean, when my kids, and nieces/nephews were younger and all ganged up on my mama at her house, she was in heaven, but at the same time didn't think anything about shusshing them in that very same way if the phone rang or something. I can actually see her so distracted for a moment she would forget it wasn't her grandchild before she caught herself, at the same time she'd be the same person going out of her way to tell you what a beautiful baby you have and how blessed you are any other time ...I don't know how old this other lady was, but my mamas in her late 70s and would never have had rude intentions.

Unfortunately, there are some out there that do.

Just tell you're little girl that one of the woman's flying monkeys was on the phone trying to tell her that Dorothy had escaped!

[aaronalita]

Originally Posted by DiannC

What really bugs me about this thread the whole thing on autism. I don't see autism as an excuse to be noisy and disruptive

I wasn't using that as an excuse for bad behavior but as an example of one reason why people should not take disciplining another's child as their job. You just never know what a person is experiencing.

[katieculpepper]

I actually have a little bit of a problem with what you say too. There is a very big difference between a high functioning woman, who works a job and has a child and a real life and a "real" autistic person. I do have personal knowledge here, my oldest brother and my nephew are both autistic. My brother much worse then my nephew. A Mother to an autisic person wants so badly to integrate their child to real life experience and will take dirty looks from others to get that experience. Sometimes, they do not behave themselves and it takes too much out of them and it is the parents job to assess the situation and decide if its time to go. But it is also important with an autisic child not to give in and let them get their way all the time, because they will then use that same bad behavior in the future. The OPs child was obviously not an autistic person, I am simply stating on those who said they have children like this.
Sometimes, parents ignore bad behavior and sometimes parents disipline their children in front of others. I personally am a fan of the sneaky pinch LOL. But unless a kid is going to hurt themselves or someone else, you don't talk to the kid. You either walk away (shaking you head) or you speak to their parent. Whether or not you are a teacher or you have had 10 kids, that is not your kid.

Originally Posted by DiannC

I understand why you would get upset, but I can see her side too. I work in a mid-size retail store and even when kids are being moderately loud it sounds LOUD. I have also noticed that most parents don't notice their kids are disrupting other people until it's gone a bit too far. I have a toddler that behaves better then some pre-teens. I'm not saying that this is what your daughter was doing, but if you were going to shush her anyway I don't really see the issue.

What really bugs me about this thread the whole thing on autism. I don't see autism as an excuse to be noisy and disruptive and this is why. I have Aspergers syndrome, have had it for much of my life, although I wasn't diagnosed until about 10 years ago. For those of you who don't know what Aspergers is it's an autism spectrum disorder, generally considered a form of high functioning autism. Now, I am 25 and I wasn't properly diagnosed until I was in my early teens, back then autism wasn't the "popular" thing that it is now. When I was growing up I was expected to behave, disability or no disability. I didn't have the "benefit" of using my disability as an excuse as many kids now do, even ADHD is used as an excuse when kids are just generally misbehaving.
I think that many parents use labels to excuse bad behavior. I know it's not a popular opinion, but it's mine

[DiannC]

Good to know that my disability isn't "real"
I'm so happy that I have spend my whole life being tested, spending hours every week in occupational therapy and taking thousands of dollars worth of pills for a disability that isn't even real. Awesome. I'm so glad someone online pointed that out to me, I might have spent more time and money on it, thinking that it was an actual disorder that I struggle with every day. Silly me.

[LadyRaine]

it is never appropriate to try to discipline someone else's child.


Never? Not in a bullying situation, or cruelty to animals, or vandalism, or theft?

[katieculpepper]

to think that you could even compare yourself to someone who is completely lost by autism is silly. An autisic person who is lost inside of their own head is sad and not something to be sarcastic about. But good luck with that job, and your kid and you know, that LIFE you have

[DiannC]

In my original post I was comparing myself to children with disabilities, autism just happens to be the "popular" one right now, 5 years ago it was ADHD. I know people don't ask for their children to have disabilities, and they don't do it to be popular, but there are trends in diagnoses.

I got angry because I have spent years having people tell me to just "get over" my disability and that it was "all in my head". I struggle daily with things that a 6 year old can do easily and it's horribly frustrating. Yes, I work. I work because Walgreens, as a company, hires people with disabilities and helps them hold onto their jobs through reasonable accommodations. Simple math can bring me to tears and answering the phone requires breathing exercises so that I can give my "phone answering speech" that is written in my notebook. How do I know there are 24 bottles of Coke in a case? Because I got tired of the Coke rep laughing at me having to count every single time (because I can't figure out 4x6 in my head) so I wrote it in my notebook.

Anyone can have a child, this isn't Nazi Germany where they don't allow people with disabilities to reproduce. I have help with my child because I don't understand her. I see her as a disruption to my routine, which is overwhelming to me. I don't feel that "overwhelming love" that so many parents talk about. She is just a little person, one that makes messes and doesn't do things the way she's supposed to.

I don't expect you to understand or have any sympathy, I just wanted to clarify my position. I was not saying that I was autistic, only that I had a disability as a child (not autism, "just" a disability, and still have it to this day) and I didn't get excuses made for me. I was expected to behave properly, regardless of my disability.

[bodacious]

Gosh! What ever happened to MANNERS? THE GOLDEN RULE? being RESPECTFUL to others?

children need to learn to behave in public . . . . .as well as adults need behave and be respectful. . .if only they would think about the ripple effect

[sadiesky]

The older woman may have just shushed your child without even thinking about it???

[timmsa]

I would have said the same thing if not more.
When it comes to my kids I don't play around. That lady would not have liked me very much.
Just like that guy a few weeks ago who slapped someone else child in that walmart.
I would have been going to jail that day, if it had been my son who is about the same age as that child. Wal-mart would have had a mess to clean up. Because I would have knocked him on his #$#$ if he had touched my baby.
I would have put him in his place if he had even threatened to touch my baby.

[shellr]

a whole lot of "shoulding" on other people here.. along with a lot of judgements...

[glowbuoy]

Sorry you had to deal with that.
Here's what I read about humans as our brains age (something to look forward to, arg): the older we get, the "tactful,polite, boundaries" part of our brain actually deteriorates. Have you ever noticed how grumpy, outspoken or downright rude some older folks are? Well, I guess a lot of them just can't help it!
Knowing that tidbit of info has made me not personalize someone else's rude behavior!

[momaunique]

violent talk about a mere situation in a store. I hope the people talking about lashing out are not serious and just expressing their frustrations over the given senerio. What a sad example to teach your precious children. Teach them respect in any situation with compassion and understanding. Talk and teach them age appropriately (if you know what that means) about people. Please step back for a moment (count to 10).Then assess the situation. It's still a great time for us all to learn.
These kids need to grow up to be "better" than whatever "that" is not how to lash out.
So teach them but, not with violence.
Thank you.

[jlaporte]

its touchy no matter what side we r on. I know I make sure my kids have manners no matter where. But I also have manners on my phone. Saying shhh isnt a bd thing nor is it good. I would have said what u said,dont shhhh us you shush with ur speaker phone. I am heard of hearing as well but i leave the speaker use for home. I dont wanna hear others messages like i dont want/need ppl hearing mine. But I will say this there is such a grey are with manners these days and it is sad. But as a mom it is IMPOSSABLE to keep a 3 yr old silent. we all have a voice. ok end ramble.

[dwhengel]

Okay, I will admit to correcting kids of some of the patients. But, before anyone tries to ream me. These are kids who may be:

1) Trying to climb out of baskets. The parents may or may not be noticing it. I've seen kids go over the end of baskets, so I look at them (the kids), and point down, basically telling 'em to sit down. (Or mouth it at them.) If I'm counseling a patient/customer on their meds, I'll be going: "I've seen kids fall out of baskets, you may want to get him/her to sit down."

2) Kids who take off across the store. Yes, learning about what meds you are picking up is important. But I *WILL* stop going over meds and tell you to go get your child if the child gets out of my line of sight. Although (and maybe some of you can answer this?) some of the parents don't seem concerned? The pharmacy that I work in *is* pretty dang near the doors of the WalMart. The kids could run outside (and maybe I'm paranoid, noting that I don't have any human kiddos, just the furry kind) and/or get grabbed by someone. It just scares me sometimes and they aren't my kids.

For all those moms/dads out there, is there a better way to suggest that the kids not be stepping back and forth in the basket itself? Not trying to climb out if the basket? Not trying to climb out of the seat (for the smaller ones)? Taking off around a corner?

I guess what kind of frustrates me sometimes is that the child might be doing all sorts of the above things, and the parent doesn't seem to notice it and/or correct it until it's pointed out to them?

Della