[yumcookies]

Does anyone else have this problem? I am so sick of having messed up sisters. We had a HORRIBLE childhood I will admit that. My mom always pitted us against each other, compared each of us and was really awful to us. So guess what? We grow up and my sisters are still jealous, angry individuals. I try not to be and somedays its hard not to be envious of others. My sisters whisper and talk smack behind my back and my mom's. Now my mom is no angel but I refuse to gossip about her and her life. If I email them a question or something, they cc the other one so they other one can see what I emailed them. I see it in their replys to my emails. If I don't offer enough sympathy cuz one is sick, I'm the b _ __h of the family. If I don't "jump" when they need me to, then I'm on the crap list, etc. you get it. I have tried to get along with them and ignore their behaviors but when I'm nice to them, they are witches to me and email the other one to tell them what I said. Even if its as simple as What's going on for Thanksgiving, or a fundraiser, or just info about other members of the family. They whisper to each other and giggle at family functions about me and my mom. They do it loud enough so we can hear them whisper and then a LOUD giggle. One of them thinks her daughter is the "only" child in the family and should get all the attention and demands it at family functions by letting her 5 year old but into conversations, or say "Grandma, Grandma, Grandma" while my mom is having a conversation with someone else. Then my sister is pissed if my mom doesn't stop and answer the child.
I just give up, I try to nice, sweet and ignore their behaviors. But its hard to always be the nice one. If I stay away and out of their lives, then I'm the b_ _ _h again of the family because I don't have anything to do with them.
These women are 45 years old and act like they are in high school. The are also toppers, so if you say you are a Virual Assitant and work at home, they say so am I but I have to go into an office. One even named her daughter pretty much the same name first and middle as my daughter and EVEN has the same nickname for her as I do for MY daughter, so you can imagine how confusing it is when they are around. My daughter was born two years before, so its like she stole my daughters name. If they find out we got a new something, guess who goes out and buys a better one? Yep my sister. We don't compete with them. We try to ignore them but my sisters are the "loud" obnioux type at family get togthers.

Sorry to vent, but today was the last straw with them. What do I do? Its hard to grin and bear it!

[nellenelli]

You have to love them but you do not have to like them

[yumcookies]

Also if I were to confront them about any of this, they deny it, blame me and then I'm the bad sister. Its alwasy two against one with them. You can't even have a conversation (normal) with them. They turn everything around you say and make it about them. By the way they don't have any friends at all. They don't go hang out or even email a friend because they don't have any. Its like they are bi-polar or something. They refuse to be happy and move on with their lives. They still blame my mom and real dad for their unhappiness. My theory is.... Who hasn't had a dsyfunction childhood? I mean we all have but the key is not to repeat how you were raised. Treat your children differently than you were. But they don't they just keep repeating bad history with their kids.
One sister had her daughter too scared to even speak to me at Walmart. I kid you not, I saw her out there and she looked at me, looked away and I ended up saying "hi" to her and she whispered hi back and walked off. How bad is that you can't even speak to your own sister at Walmart? I see her husband out there and he will talk my ear off! I have to go put my frozen stuff back and get colder milk because we end up talking for so long. We've invited the husband to Ball Games like pro=teams and stuff. She makes an excuse and won't let him go when she knows he LOVES that team. One time he came over to play video games with my husband one afternoon, .... she ended up coming and hour later with her daughter and hanging out with the guys. She is that insecure.

[grace.maddie]

omg, i had to check the name to make sure i hadn't written this and forgot it. this is totally my family. i hear from people all the time that they don't understand how i came from the same family as my sisters. i just grin and bear it b/c if i call thme out then i too am the bad guy. i just but up with all the crap b/c the alternitive is that i be dysfunctional and not talk to my family at all and i just don't want to sink to their level.

[ahfarlow]

Sounds like my hubby's brother!

[nellenelli]

I would say it sounds like you should distant yourself as much as possible from them. Don't stress yourself out about it...it does not sound like it is worth it. If you hang around people who bring you down it will keep you low long after they are gone. Hang in there We are here for you!

[Kt&Cj'sMama]

I could have written this myself about my brother. It just got to the point that I had to cut him out of my life. I couldnt handle his lying and the stress he created all the time. I had to do what was healthy for me and my family.
I know people say that you have to love them, but that isnt true, at least in this case. I had to have enough love and respect for myself and family to cut him out. Does that make sense? And to be perfectly honest, I am happier now. It has been about 6 mths I think and life is easier without his stress and lies.
I feel for you!
He was constantly trying to turn people against me. Making up lies and well just being an a**. I dont know if he still is doing that and I dont care anymore. People know we dont talk so they dont talk to me about him anymore. Which is good.
You know people say that if you hate someone then you have feelings toward that person? I dont love him and I dont hate him. I have no feelings toward him. Might sound cold but he brought it on over the years by being the person he is.
My Mom told me before when I asked why he was like that, that she thought he was jealous of my life. He said I had it easy and she thought he was jealous.
I dont care anymore. I dont need that kind of person near me and my family.
Sorry to go on and on, I just know what your going through and it is horrible. If you have to cut them out of your life, dont feel bad for it. I know a lot of people will say thats horrible of you (or me) to do that but there are too many stresses in todays life, there is no need to put up with people who obviously dont care. KWIM?
Good luck with what you do!

[amora]

I feel for you! My advice, and it's just mine, I would only speak to them at family functions...your family does not need to be subjected to that kind of behavior or tolerate it. Just because they are blood doesn't mean you have to like them or be around them. I wouldn't try to plan anything with them, ask their opinion, or even give yours. I would probably not respond to any emails and if they called to ask why I don't respond, then I would tell them that I have grown up, moved on, and have chosen to live my life different/better than I was raised. They can either join you or continue on their own without you.

I know it is hard to swallow that you can't have the relationship you dream of with them, but maybe your distance will make them grow up - if not, become that much closer to your best friends.

[yumcookies]

thanks for the advice, its nice to know I'm not alone. It just sucks when you see all these sisters that shop together, call each other on the phone daily, discuss their personal problems together. I am so sad when I see sisters out together with their children shopping or at the park and everyone is so happy and laughing.
We don't have many family get togethers and when we do, it is stressful. Like for Thanksgiving, I'm having Cracker Barrel at my house with my husband and 3 kids. Just us in our sweat pants eating like piggies with our stretchable waistbands. My sister is having Thanksgiving and invited my other sister and my mom, but not me. Sometimes its just the thought that counts even if she knew I couldn't come. All I know is I'm teaching my kids to love each other and not act like my sisters and I. And they truly do love each other and care for each other's feelings. So maybe this outcome will turn out okay. I'm just truly overwhelmed today after an email I had sent to a sister. She had to CC a copy to my other sister her reply. And what is so dumb was I just was asking her if she wanted to buy a Yankee Candle for my daughters fund raiser for softball. They are cheaper than in the store the way we are selling them and I know my sisters LOVE candles.
I'll just adopt one of you guys for my "online sister"

[Kt&Cj'sMama]

Hey,
I always wanted a sister

[grace.maddie]

yay, a REAL sister! mine also go out together all the time and never ever invite me. i honestly think they are inmerassed of how they act and thats why the don't invite me. i am not going to cut them off. it would take too much energy to avoid them in our small town and i don't want it to be akward at family functions either. kwim? so i just live with it.

[thekains]

I think we all have atleast one in a family. sorry

[Drea]

You know I think every family has something like that going on....it just seems families can't get along, no matter what the differences may be, even very trivial...believe me I know..So you are defintely not alone....cheer up and be yourself.....

[sburkhart]

I am fortunate to have a great sister... and I feel totally for you. I couldn't live w/out my sis and visa-versa. Your main priority are your kids and husband. They do not need all the drama. Make your own traditions with them and your father perhaps. I know it has gotta hurt not being included... but do ya really want to be subjected to that torment? You are better than them... Show your children how they are supposed to treat each other and remind them often that one day they will need each other.

I pray you find peace!
Hugs gal... I think you need some!

[amora]

I hear ya...all through school I was, IMO, a true friend. I would do anything for my friends, I didn't lie, and I wouldn't leave them hanging or stab them in the back - but I'll be damned if they all didn't do it to me one way or another - I know, this isn't family, but when you are really really close to people and they **** on you, it hurts the same. I am still a true friend to those I meet - but one time they do me wrong is the last. I have weeded out the bad and hung on to the good. The only reason I speak of friends instead of family is because I left home in '89 (military) and haven't lived near family since - makes it more difficult to fight! I do miss being close and my kids can't just go over to Grandma's, but that's why I think friends are very very important - they can be great and you may even have a closer, more meaningful relationship with them...HTH!

[amora]

ooops, I didnt' mean to put a cuss word in there!

[fsc]

Well, in my humble opinion: I can understand that their behavior must hurt you, because I think you dream and wish for a better relationship. But, the older you get, the more you become like you really are, so the chances of them changing at 45 are slim. So, you change.

Start looking at the positives. Start creating the life you want. CHOOSE your family. Blood relation or not, it doesn't matter. I count quite a few people as family that is not relation at all!
Dont let their insecurities affect you so that you get upset and thereby mess up your day with your wonderfull family. Start treating your family the way you want to be treated and maybe break the chain by teaching your kids to be best friends. Use your sisters as examples of what not to do.

I think to some extent, cutting them out of your life as far as possible would be good. Dont go looking for stress and trouble. Just leave it. Accept that they wont be the types of people you want them to be, no matter how hard you try. So stop trying and getting hurt in the process. Start doing something positive for yourself. Go out and meet new people/families whatever. Create your own, wonderful "family-by-choice". It will be much better for your soul!

HTH!

[SophiesMommy]

wow are you talking about my family?!

its hard to deal with i know.

for me it boils down to "my parents are my mother and father and they gave me life and i love them for THAT but that is as far as it goes"

my mom was young when she had me and my dad was in his early 30's and they both still wanted to "be young" so i was handed to my nana and papol and raised by them until they wanted to finally "play house" my mother tried to raise me to be jealous of other people ect. she just always brought me down. i have let her back into my life a million times just for her to hurt me again. this last time was my last. i cant keep having me girls be hurt by this. its one thing to hurt me but to hurt my children is a whole nother story.

so maybe keep your distance?

[SophiesMommy]

Originally Posted by fsc

Well, in my humble opinion: I can understand that their behavior must hurt you, because I think you dream and wish for a better relationship. But, the older you get, the more you become like you really are, so the chances of them changing at 45 are slim. So, you change.

Start looking at the positives. Start creating the life you want. CHOOSE your family. Blood relation or not, it doesn't matter. I count quite a few people as family that is not relation at all!
Dont let their insecurities affect you so that you get upset and thereby mess up your day with your wonderfull family. Start treating your family the way you want to be treated and maybe break the chain by teaching your kids to be best friends. Use your sisters as examples of what not to do.

I think to some extent, cutting them out of your life as far as possible would be good. Dont go looking for stress and trouble. Just leave it. Accept that they wont be the types of people you want them to be, no matter how hard you try. So stop trying and getting hurt in the process. Start doing something positive for yourself. Go out and meet new people/families whatever. Create your own, wonderful "family-by-choice". It will be much better for your soul!

HTH!

[KellyMarie]

Originally Posted by fsc

Well, in my humble opinion: I can understand that their behavior must hurt you, because I think you dream and wish for a better relationship. But, the older you get, the more you become like you really are, so the chances of them changing at 45 are slim. So, you change.

Start looking at the positives. Start creating the life you want. CHOOSE your family. Blood relation or not, it doesn't matter. I count quite a few people as family that is not relation at all!
Dont let their insecurities affect you so that you get upset and thereby mess up your day with your wonderfull family. Start treating your family the way you want to be treated and maybe break the chain by teaching your kids to be best friends. Use your sisters as examples of what not to do.

I think to some extent, cutting them out of your life as far as possible would be good. Dont go looking for stress and trouble. Just leave it. Accept that they wont be the types of people you want them to be, no matter how hard you try. So stop trying and getting hurt in the process. Start doing something positive for yourself. Go out and meet new people/families whatever. Create your own, wonderful "family-by-choice". It will be much better for your soul!

HTH!

Great post fsc......I have no siblings, but was raised with 2 uncles that were the same as brothers..fortunately, we get along, but one lives in CA and the other in IN, I live here in AR. I have seen the one in CA once in 10 years, the one in IN not in over 20. But we talk and email often.
When my parents were ill I longed for siblings more than I ever had....the responsibilty was overwhelming and I had four children and a husband that worked on the road.
My husband has 8 living siblings, 5 sisters, 3 brothers, he has basically steered clear of all the sisters for the last 15 years or so. Whether someone is family or not, if they leave you feeling bad about yourself then why willingly subject yourself to the pain over and over?

I love choose your family....I have an extensive non-blood family that has made my life complete, and do not know how I would get by without them.

Someone posted above that families just cannot get along...I beg to differ. I have 4 adult children all born a year apart....there was never any rivalry, jealousy or arguing when they were young and now that they are grown and married, our family just got bigger and happier. We have had 6 births in 3 years, the first 4 were girls, the last 2 were boys. The four girls are best buddies and all 6 will be attending the same school!!
My daughter in laws get along with my daughter and my three sons all hang out together...and we all still get together atleast once a week at my home. Just tonight all of us were here for one of the grandaughter's birthday and everyone left smiling......life is what we make it, we all have problems, we all have someone that needs more attention or one that needs to feel more important...we just kind of give them what they need at the time around here and go on.
Now we have had problems that seem irreparable, but we deal with them as a family and try to get over it. take for instance, my daughter and son are married to a brother and sister, my daughter is divorcing her husband, well you know that has to be hard on my daughter in law, because he is her brother and she feesl in the middle, we understand this and we are particularly careful to not express our thoughts on the subject at all to keep from hurting her. But we do this as a family and we are determined as a family to all get along.
I have said this may times and I mean it, I am very, very blessed to have the family I have. God has been good to me and I thank Him every day for what He has given me.

[jbarber8]

I'll be your sister. I have one I need to replace!!

We had a falling out 12 years ago over my father's 50th birthday party. My 2 sisters asked me to go in with them and share expenses on a surprise party; asked me for $100. I agreed and asked, what day are we going to have it, started to get excited about planning, etc. until I realized they wanted to have the party on his birthday, a Tues. night. I lived 1 1/2 hours away and was working days and going to school nights, and I COULD NOT MISS school that night due to a presentation. Hmmm. So I tried to convince them to change the date, and they admitted they had already mailed the invitations.

So apparently they didn't really care whether I was involved with planning the party, or even attending... the only reason they called me was because they wanted my money! I ended up missing my Dad's 50th celebration because it was on a Tues. night. I was livid! (We'd gotten along fine until this happened.)

My one sister got caller id and wouldn't accept my calls. Birthday gifts to her 4 children were returned to me in the mail. I was no longer invited to family events at her house - many events were held there because at the time she was the only one with children. Their family showed up at Mom's for a holiday with hand drawn pictures from the kids for everyone but me. They handed out school pictures for everyone but me. I could go on and on! Their behavior has been very nasty and hurtful.

I'm not proud that I haven't been able to 'fix' this. I tried at first, but after awhile, I just didn't bother trying anymore. I asked my mother for help, but she just said, "You two work this out." My other sister said, "It's not just you. She's unfriendly to us too, unless she needs a sitter."

Now I tell people "We're not a close family."

It's easier since I live in FL and they are in OH but it's still extremely awkward whenever we go there. They live 200 yard from my mom & dad. My whole family basically is treated like we don't exist by her whole family. We try to be polite but it's very difficult.

On the upside, there is a lot less negativity and sarcasm in my life right now because I never speak to P and her husband. I don't think I realized how unhealthy their attitudes really were at the time.

I hope you find a way to smooth things over. I sympathize!

[marbear]

I am sorry I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. My sisters are my best friend. My brother was not around when I was growing up so we are not as close (he's 16 years older). We all get along though. We have gone through 1 parent dying of extended illness and the next died suddenly adn tragically AND without a will...we have made it through it all and never fought once! We do not have the luxury of leaving each other...our parents are dead and if we lose each other we have lost our history..no one else in the world knows what our life was like growing up or are traditions. It makes me sad that everyone doesn't have this w/ their blood family. My mother was orphaned at age 8 and she drilled into us that they (parents) will probably die before we do and we must stick together to get through it as a family.

[couponclippin'momma]

That really sucks. I agree with some of the other posters though. Love them from a distance but you don't have to get along with them or agree with what they do.

[yumcookies]

Wow Jbarber8, you can relate, that sounds just like something mine two sisters would do. They are twins, and they have always competed with each other and me. And one of them is the "bully" . She alwasy is mad at me or the other sister. That's just how she operates. Always enjoys the drama in her life. I have ignored her bullying me and my other, I don't get involved. But they are so angry about how their lives have turned out.
I can relate also to pictures. My sisters take their kids to get pictures taken together and give them out as gifts to my parents without asking me also. They do it to try and tick me off. It hurts but truthfully the kids aren't all close so it doesn't affect them or me. But when they send back gifts for their kids? That's ridiculous cuz it is now involving children who are innocent in all this. That is gonna make the kids thing you do not care about them. Just remember all this and some day you can tell them what EXACTLY happened in your situation. My sisters always want my money to go in on a gift also and I don't do it, cuz they take my money and run. I will get no say or involvement in it. Plus my one sister will call you, and if you agree she will be over in 15 minutes to pick up the money from you. She is that greedy! And god help you if its a check. Usually she pockets your cash and charges it on her credit card so she has cash to use for other stuff.
I just love this site because you learn you are not the only one in that situation... sometimes you feel so alone until you post something and get all these wonderful replys back.. It truly helps get through things that are tough!!! Thanks guys!!

[twodogmom]

LOL, plan a vacation together. My sister and I went on vacation in July. She hasn't spoken to me since.