[armympwife]

My neighbor is a single mom of two boys. Her 5 year old and my 5 year old are friends and like to play together as they only live 5 houses down. The kids play mostly at my house (I prefer to keep my DS close). At any rate an hour or two of play once or twice a week has turned into 3, 4, 5 hours a day. I put my foot down and am now sending this kid home after an hour or so and she keeps sending him back (conveniently at lunch and dinner time). I feel bad for sending him back but I think it’s a bit much to expect someone to keep her child for hours plus doesn’t she WANT to spend time with her kid? Turns out she cannot control her 2 kids (5 and 10) and they are always fighting with each other so instead of disciplining them she sends the youngest to my house.

The 5 year old has acted up a few times at my house so I told him his behavior was not appropriate and sent him home; so for the most part he is well behaved at MY house as he knows that I’m not having it. His behavior around his Mom is terrible (at least to me) as he tells her to “shut up,” “mind her own business,” and hits her when he doesn’t get his way (all behavior learned from his older brother). If DS hit me or told me to shut up I can guarantee you that he wouldn’t sit down for a month .

The last two days DS has been getting yellow faces at school (green=good, yellow = needs improvement, and red=bad) so I told him he was not allowed to play with Jeff until his behavior has improved. So right after school Jeff comes over and my FIL tells him that Tyler is not allowed to play with him until his Mom says he can because of DS’s bad behavior at school. Then around 8 Jeff’s Mom (beer can in hand) waves from the sidewalk and starts walking away. I’m old fashioned and I believe school or no school (kids are off today for elections) kids should be at HOME after 8, not being dropped off at someone’s home so their parent can booze it up.

I tell Jeff again that DS is not allowed to play with him or have friends over until his behavior at school improves and to go catch up to his Mom. Mom then comes over and tells me that boys are boys, that I have to give a little, he wasn't that bad as it was only a yellow face, and that my expectations for DS are too high. I agreed that I do have high expectations of DS, that I expect him to either go to college or learn a highly skilled trade upon graduation from high school; that the foundation for that starts in Kindergarten and that I consider behaving at school a BASIC BARE MININMUM expectation, regardless of whether he is a boy. She rolled her eyes but took her kid home.

Someone please tell me I’m not crazy for expecting my kid to behave at school. Also please tell me I'm not crazy for taking DS with me to vote. She asked me why I was taking him and I told her it was a good learning opportunity for DS. Again she thinks I'm crazy because she doesn't vote.

[jillibean1978]

Hun, I don't know you at all. But you are worried about a mother thinks of you while she was holding a beer???? Think about it. Who was in their right mind. And not under the influence? LOL Let her roll her eyes. You stick with what you believe to be what is BEST for YOUR child. Forget everyone else. We all parent different.
Some neighbor kids want to come over and play with my daughter or for her to go over there. It's not happening. Their parents, well the adults who live there drink, have been arrested many times in the 4 months they have lived there. I also think they are selling drugs from the house. I will not allow my daughter to be over there. And if ever asked I will say why.
You are not crazy for expecting your child to behave anywhere. And if you wanna take him with you while you vote for it!!! You're a great mother because you care.

[boyzrus]

I'm sorry she is on your nerves and ditching her kid at your house. There are 2 ways you can look at this.

First of all if the neighbor kid is causing problems at your house, you can limit his time there as it seems you are doing.

If he's not causing problems, you can kind of "adopt" him with the hope that the attention you and your family give him will help him out during his childhood. This is not an easy thing to do.

You discipline your children as you see fit and stand your ground. Since he is only in kindergarten, this is just the beginning of all the "helpful" advice you'll get.

Good luck!

[NoahsMomma]

Stick to your guns or rules. I think your right on with how you see things with your DS and her DS behavior. And no your not crazy for taking your DS with you to vote.

[bubbsguy]

You are so right. My kids do push their luck with me sometimes but if you give in they will take you for a run down a bad path. Stick to your guns and if she doesn't like it let her deal with that.

[calico32]

Totally Agree With Earlier Posts. I Think You Should Take Kids To Vote With You Or They Don't Learn About What Is Going On And Don't Care Because You Didn't Care. As For As This Woman, I Wouldn't Worry About Her. Sounds Like Your Doing A Great Job To Me, Too Bad More Parents Aren't Concerned About What Their Kids Are Up Too.

[schatz]

well...first of all the eye rolling would totally tick me off...and I wouldn't have any further contact with her or the kids.

[sburkhart]

I too agree! This is your child! You want to make sure he knows right from wrong and that there are consequences for negative behavior. If you give in .... you basically are teaching that "you can get away with it" & you don't keep your word.
Stay firm GAL!

[ahernandez]

you are right on all accounts...

my DS is 19 months so not at school yet but I expect all greens (or whatever my school does) and I expect As and Bs and like you I expect college of skilled trade...you need to start early. Good kids are the result of good parent.

As for voting Yes Yes Yes. I took DS to the primaries and yesterday I went during lunch and felt bad that I didn't have DS with me. They even had kids voting. In 4 years (he will be 5) and he will be coming to the polls with me to vote. It is a good lesson.

[marbear]

Boys will be boys is a dangerous phrase b/c people like this us it as a license to let them be lil monsters. Your son needs to behave at school and you are right for enforcing that. Her little darling is probably rubbing off on him. Last year at preschool my son got in trouble for the first time ever and it was always because this one little kid (who is already a trouble maker and his mom had several conferences w/ the head of the school b/c of it). I told the teacher I wanted them at separate tables and whaddya know...my son never got in trouble again. I do feel bad the for the child and I think when he is over at your house you should discipline him like you would your own (minus spanking since he is not your own) and hopefully he might get some idea how you should behave. You did not decide to have that kid so you should not have to take care of that kid that much, but I do think what time you do have him you are making a positive impact on him and you will be blessed for that. Don't let your son's development suffer because of it, but be a good example of positive authority. Basically do what you are doing

[KellyMarie]

Originally Posted by boyzrus

I'm sorry she is on your nerves and ditching her kid at your house. There are 2 ways you can look at this.

First of all if the neighbor kid is causing problems at your house, you can limit his time there as it seems you are doing.

If he's not causing problems, you can kind of "adopt" him with the hope that the attention you and your family give him will help him out during his childhood. This is not an easy thing to do.

You discipline your children as you see fit and stand your ground. Since he is only in kindergarten, this is just the beginning of all the "helpful" advice you'll get.

Good luck!

Wow, glad to see this post, thank you I too had problems with other kids and parents when my kids were growing up and as someone else said, it's just the beginning sweetie. We all want the very best for our kids and although other parents and children can be irritating, I so agree with this post I quoted...you could always take on the role of positive influence for these other boys....it's a tough job and I know in today's world we all have enough on our plates...but I believe making a difference in a kid's life is way up there on the priority scale.
I think my children have to agree with me....I had high expectations for them and wanted them to excel and worried about outside influences, but at the same time we had numerous kids at our house who were what I like to call "unattended".....many even lived with us...really, many of them..........I think that was one of the greatest things I taught my kids, even more than the importance of education......I taught them compassion and empathy and goodwill towards others and now that all 4 of them are adults they have the same values.........that makes me happy.
A lot of those kids that hung out here and live dhere still come by often. The other night we were at my son's house handing out candy and I cannot even begin to tell you how many of these now grown kids came up with hteir little ones and hugged us, told us how well they were doing and said "I love ya mom and dad".....There is no better feeling than that...really. I bet hubby and I have a few hundred kids and we love every one of them

[irishgirl73]

Deleted text and reposted below to make it easier to read.

[irishgirl73]

Let's evaluate the situation a bit...

• You discipline your chid when he talks to you disrespectfully.
  
• You discipline your child when he is disrepectful at school.
  
• You teach your child good values and raise him with good morals and good character.
  
• You make sure your very young child is in the house at a reasonable hour.
  
• You prefer to have your 5 year old child play at your house so you can keep an eye on him and monitor his activities.
  
• You stress the importance of an education to your child.
  
• Not only are you an proud, card carrying member of the American society, you are teaching your child the importance of exercising their greatest American right.

However, she:

• Sends her child to your house because she "can't handle him".
  
• Allows her 5 year old to walk the neighborhood alone.
  
• Walks the neighborhood carrying a beer.
  
• Doesn't vote...but knowing this type of person, is probably the first to complain about the government.

I would much prefer to have you as my neighbor (and your son as my son's friend) then someone like this. You sound like a fantastic mother and I'd be proud to have you in my neighborhood.

FWIW, I took my 3 year old to the polls with me yesterday and explained what I was doing. Thankfully, there were no lines.

I was hoping to bullet this to make it easier to read. Sorry!

[armympwife]

Thanks everyone for all your kind words. And thanks for those who gave me some tough love and said "don't worry about what the drunk beer can carrying lady thinks," you are so right.

Update:
The kids were off. FIL told me that Jeff came by at 9, at 11, then called (I'm sure his Mom dialed), at 2, knocked at 5, and I was home when ke knocked at 8:30 yesterday. FIL didn't answer the door or return the message Jeff left about wanting to come over. At 8:30 I told Jeff and his Mom that Tyler was grounded. The woman had the nerve to ask me if Jeff could come over tomorrow (today) if Tyler (my DS) behaved. I said know, that the good behavior had to be continuos and that I would let her know in a couple of weeks.

I took what some said to heart about my home probably being the only place this poor kid is going to see what I think NORMAL people do as in we behave, clean up after ourselves, do not talk back to our parents, etc, so IF my DS behaves I will have Jeff over to play for maybe an hour or two on a Sat but that is about all I can do right now. I work full time and my time with my DS is precious to me.

Further update, DS got a green face today

Thanks everyone, and I so wish we could be neighbors and let our kids play together while we clip coupons on each other's porches.

[dontbreakme]

Don't have any advice that hasn't been given yet and especially since I have no kids myself but I think you are doing the right thing for what it's worth.

[Sullygirl]

I took all three of my kids with me to polls yesterday and I explained what I was doing to my two oldest.

I have also had to 'adopt' a neighbor kid, b/c he was at my house everyday all summer for two summers in a row. My DH had to walk him home on many of an occassion b/c it had gotten dark out and he lived two streets over. It was difficult for me at first b/c the kid was a bit tough to handle. But as he got to know my style was not that of a doormat, things worked out very well. His family moved this past September and I actually miss him.

I think you are doing the right thing by your child and who cares what anyone else thinks?

My children are still not allowed to roam the neighborhood and the oldest are 8 and 6. ALL our other neighbors allow their kids to come and go as they please and the range in age from 4(!) to 9. They all end up at my house at some point. I'm sure my neighbors think I am overprotective, but it is MY job to protect them. So I will keep on keeping on.

[Jenni]

ditto the above! You did the right thing.