[twilcn]

So,I need advice about MIL
Here's what's going on. Last Weekend MIL came down from Nashville to take my son to the Atlanta Aquimum (sp) Well,After they get back she has me take him for an hour so she could rest ...Well we bring him back to her hotel room where he was suppose to sleep over,...Nope DH and I went out had a blast and had to go pick him up b/c she didn't want him sleeping with them in their KING size bed.
Ok heres my dilema she is over controlling trying to teach him PROPER way of Potty Training and blah blah blah. My son started reading at 3 now she's forcing him to....I just work with him one word at a time. She stuffs 10 words at a time...

Anyhoo,We plan on going thru Nashville on our way to Tulsa Ok next week and she wants us to drop him off for a week. And she will drive him back to Ok later on in the week. She also plans on having her granddaughter (our neice @ 13)
watch my son while she's at work during the day...
So..My worry is ....Is the 13 yr old ..old enough to watch a 3 yr old
and if MIL couldn't let him stay in her hotel all day and all night how is she going to handle him for a week.
I have gone back and forth in my head about this...
Yes, I need a break,but how corrupt will he be when she returns him to us.
Will I have to drive back to Nashville from Tulsa to pick him up b/c she can't handle him.

[NJMom]

Hmm, that's a tough one. As for the 13 yo watching him, some 13 yo are mature enough to watch a 3 yo and would love to do it but some are not. Does your niece want to babysit all day? Is MIL going to pay her? You could always ask whether your niece has taken a babysitting course and if she hasn't and you are really uncomfortable with the whole situation, say that you don't let any teens who haven't taken a course watch your child. You can also say that since he's on vacation, you would love for him to just play and have fun and MIL can leave the teaching/reading/potty training for when he's home with you. Say that he looks forward to playing with MIL, that he needs a break from all that stuff when he's not at home.

Good luck!

[fsc]

a week with MIL may be a bit much for him. A day or two maybe. If your niece is gonna be looking after him while MIL is at work, he will be visiting the niece, not MIL. To expect any 13 year old to watch a 3 yr old for a week is asking a bit too much. Maybe MIL can hav him over the weekend when she is not working but bring him back by Sunday evening? JMO

[marbear]

There is just no way I would do that to my child. You think she is pushy about things and that is only going to confuse him...not having his parents or his touchstone after spending time w/ someone who is going to stress him out is asking way to much of him. Everybody needs a break. I have 3 kids 4 and under and no family nearby so I know how stressed you can get, but there is no way I would leave my kids alone for a week w/ anyone, even relatives. They are little and I would only have them sleep over at that age in an emergency situation. What if he wakes in the middle of the night from a bad dream and you are not there? My inlaws hate me for this I am sure but I just think we raise our own kids and they can suck it up if they want to spend the night b/c it ain't gonna happen.

[twilcn]

This is what I thought as well. Would our neice be watching my son ?? Does she know CPR if anything even happened? I figured if she couldn't watch him that one day what makes me think she can handle him for a week.

[marbear]

I think a 13 y/o can babysit...I know I did and I liked it. I do regret some of the things I did (acting more like a big sister than a babysitter sometimes). The spending the night that far away from mom and dad concerns me more.

[Neilson184]

If it was me I would not want my dd in the care of a 13 yr old...especially if they didn't know anything about CPR or some first aide. Does this niece have a lot of experience with children? Is she responsible?

And even though you need a break.....it will be a headache if you are worrying the whole time about your son.

[babybutton004]

I know for sure i would never let me DD stay w/ the in laws for a week. Me & My DH went on a 3 day vacation only 4 hrs away, & I didnt even want her staying there 1 night. The rest of the time she was at my parents house, whom she sees everyday as it is. (We only like a few minutes away) So i knew she'd be better taken care of there. i know when we were out of town, & She was staying with the in law's it stressed me out to no end, until i knew she was safely w/ my parents. It wasnt that much fun the 1st night at all. So weigh out ur pro's & cons. Would u really have that much fun if ur worried bout ur son the whole time??

& The 13 yr old sitter, i wouldnt go with that either, CPR trainning or not.

[twilcn]

Thanks guys...I totally agree about worrying about him the whole time. We don't know our neice so no idea if she loves or dislikes kids or not. Also unsure if she capable of changing/putting ds on the potty.

[luv2sav]

I think it's great that your MIL wants to keep your son for the week, BUT...if she wasn't able to keep him at the hotel, won't be there during the day to care for him and you are uncomfortable with her "methods", I would strongly advise against leaving him there. Thirteen seems a bit young to be caring for another child all day long, even if she is mature for her age. I know how it feels to need a break, but I'd hold off on a week long trip.hth's

[FreebieMama]

I wouldn't leave my 3 year old with my MIL or a 13 year old, but my DD is WILD!!

Go with how you feel - if you're uncomfortable, tell your MIL you'd like to wait until he is older.

[thecouponingdiva]

My mom and my MIL have kept our son for a week at a time several times since he's been about two. It always works out fine, but they're always exhausted when he comes home!

I think 13 is old enough to babysit if she knows what to do in an emergency and knows how to do things like put him down for a nap, help him go potty, etc.

By the time our son has been gone a week I miss him so badly I almost can't stand it! It might be a bit much since she seems a little overwhelmed by him at times.

Whatever you decide, remember you know best! Don't let her intimidate you!

[batgirlandrobin]

My personal opinion is that I wouldn't....I don't even leave my son with a 16 year old! I also agree with PP...a week with a controling MIL is rough!

[OldTinGrl]

Well, IMO I wouldn't do this. First, if she's very strict about the potty training it could undermine everything you've already accomplished and cause him to go back to sqaure one. Second, I don't think I could ever leave my kiddos with someone I didn't know really well, especially, when I wasn't going to be there to set the ground rules. Not knowing what kind of kid your niece is isn't a very good situation to leave him in. If she doesn't like watching him she could make it a miserable time for him. I mean does she know what to do if he starts choking while eating? I'd be a nervous wreck the whole time I was on vacation. Another thing, if your MIL was exhausted after one trip to the Aquarium, how is she going to be when she gets home from a full days work and he's been cooped up all day?

[twilcn]

Well I had to call MIL this evening to tell her...My son won't be coming to stay with her for the week. She then said he wouldn't be staying the whole week just till Thursday,but even then I feel is too long. If she lived closer or if I was closer I would say "yes" but that's b/c I can pick him up at any second that i felt things were not going according to plans.
I've had issues with her before at a birthday party she attended and the outcome was a email about her controlling issues. I feel as if I can't be MOM when she's around and correct my son when he's doing wrong. So Even tho I could really use a break. I'm going to backout of this...and wait.. (Wait for her to stop controlling the situations).
Thank You guys for the suggestions. Now,I can stop playing brain tease with myself.

[nanci143]

you made the right decision for your son and family at this time.

[w1df10wr]

Originally Posted by twilcn

Well I had to call MIL this evening to tell her...My son won't be coming to stay with her for the week. She then said he wouldn't be staying the whole week just till Thursday,but even then I feel is too long. If she lived closer or if I was closer I would say "yes" but that's b/c I can pick him up at any second that i felt things were not going according to plans.
I've had issues with her before at a birthday party she attended and the outcome was a email about her controlling issues. I feel as if I can't be MOM when she's around and correct my son when he's doing wrong. So Even tho I could really use a break. I'm going to backout of this...and wait.. (Wait for her to stop controlling the situations).
Thank You guys for the suggestions. Now,I can stop playing brain tease with myself.

Thanks for updating.

[Sally]

I am a grandmother and usually I would understand the grandmothers position in this but NOT this time. Absolutely not would I allow a 13 year old to sit with a 3 year old. Not only would I not do it you could also have Social Services involved. I know a person that happend to when they had a much older child sitting. The sitter decided to leave and go to the grocery store. She left a 13 year old, a 8 year old and a 3 year old. While she was gone one of the children fell, cut their finger, did not really get hurt but it scared the 13 year old and the child called 911, thus a Social worker is now on the Mom who left the child with the older sitter.

Don't do it.

Sally

[Holli0303]

I would let him go but be prepared to have to get him early. A thirteen year old can babysit, if they like babysitting and should be compensated. Where I live, this is normal and fine. You may check the area where this will be taking place. It also depends on the safeness of the area, will neighbors be home, can grandma check in at lunch, ect. I would say that if she insists on tying to potty train him, then that is a deal breaker, since that could actually cause your child mental anguish and be a lot of back tracking anyway. As far as trying to teach him to many words and such, I do not see this as a big deal or something that will affect him long term.

[rntg83]

I am glad you decided not to do it, a week is too long. Now, if you son was older, it would be different. Besides, a few hours with a teen is one thing, but ALL day? I don't think so.

[Drea]

I just got to read this post....and I'am glad you made that decision...even though it may cause problems with your hubby....you made the right decision......good for you for standing up..

[332pca]

You made the right decision. 13 years old is ok to baby sit for an hour or 2 but not the whole day. Maybe when he is older.

[babybutton004]

Yes you made the right decision.

[lifeworthliving]

Good choice!

[armympwife]

I am so glad you listened to your instincts. They were telling you (and most of us) No way. I think a 13 year old can babysitt for maybe an hour or for a quick CVS run, but 8 hours a day is asking waaaaayyyyy to much too soon. Like you said, if MIL can't handle just the overnight at the hotel, what makes her think she can do a week?