Ladies Whose Hubby Had A "V".

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Old 08-25-2008, 05:41 PM
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Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

Ok, hubby had a vasectomy about 3 months ago. I know it was the right thing to do for our family because we really don't have the time, room or money for another child. We have three all together. Two boys that we had together and a daughter he had from a former relationship. We don't need anymore kids by any means. but today I was just thinking, I will never be pregnant again. It really hit me. I will never birth a daughter. My sd is great, but I still wonder what it would have been like to have a daughter of my own. I loved being pregnant. But, hubby is 48 and I am 29 and our youngest is 5. Hubby REALLY does not want another, but would have had one if I really wanted to. I just thought we were doing the right thing by not having another child when we use mostly all our funds just to feed, clothe and house the family of 5 that we already are. Plus, we already have two boys in one room. No gauruntee it would be a girl. I would feel really bad if three boys had to share one room.

Is this normal to morn that my pregnant days are over?
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  #2  
Old 08-25-2008, 05:47 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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I think so. We haven't had any permanent form of birth control done but my DH is pretty dead sent against having another. Sometimes it slaps me across the face that I'll never be pregnant again, I'll never nurse another baby, I'll never do all of that again. It definitely makes me sad.

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Old 08-25-2008, 05:47 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Yes, it is!!!




BUT









We actually had my DH "V" reversed!!!!! because I decided(and eventually after 3 years of praying)my DH agreed to have more too!!!!! All together he had the "V" for 5 years and w/in a year of the reversal we were pregnant!!!

So, even if you aren't entirely sure, you CAN change your mind later on, BUT your DH may not be too happy about it!!!!

Steph
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Old 08-25-2008, 05:59 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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my DH is going in in 2 weeks and I know it is right but I have thought about the same thing many many times. I have to be realistic and know that our means to raise this family are already being stretched so would it really be fair to ANYONE to have another. I just have to hurry and wait for grandbabies!!! my sons are 2 and 3 right now, I have quite a wait, LOL
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Old 08-25-2008, 06:17 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Okay, this is very normal. DH had a V (at my urging) and three years later I had a change of heart. At the time we got the V it was the right desicion. We had no money, no means to take care of a baby and DH already had a son (DSS for me). So we had the big V. I didn't regret it for years. Then we started having a better life, DSS got older, finances got better, etc. So we also had it reversed. And I am also now pregnant. It took a lot of time, money and emotional stress to get to this point (over a year and a half of TTC). VR is not an easy choice and by no means a guarantee of ever having another baby. But the fact is the less time between the V and VR the better chance that you will have another baby. So if you are feeling regret it's better to do something now.

But it may just be something you need to morn and be done with. only you know what's in your heart. I think every women morns her last child. So you may just be dealing with that.

There is a wonderful VR support group on ivillage. They have been a wonderful group of ladies. So much support! Check it out, and also feel free to ask me any questions. Either way you go it's hard!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/...v%2Dppvasrever

And do your research before picking a doctor if you do get a VR. It's very important!
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Old 08-25-2008, 06:57 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Originally Posted by kandikid82 View Post
Okay, this is very normal. DH had a V (at my urging) and three years later I had a change of heart. At the time we got the V it was the right desicion. We had no money, no means to take care of a baby and DH already had a son (DSS for me). So we had the big V. I didn't regret it for years. Then we started having a better life, DSS got older, finances got better, etc. So we also had it reversed. And I am also now pregnant. It took a lot of time, money and emotional stress to get to this point (over a year and a half of TTC). VR is not an easy choice and by no means a guarantee of ever having another baby. But the fact is the less time between the V and VR the better chance that you will have another baby. So if you are feeling regret it's better to do something now.

But it may just be something you need to morn and be done with. only you know what's in your heart. I think every women morns her last child. So you may just be dealing with that.

There is a wonderful VR support group on ivillage. They have been a wonderful group of ladies. So much support! Check it out, and also feel free to ask me any questions. Either way you go it's hard!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/...v%2Dppvasrever

And do your research before picking a doctor if you do get a VR. It's very important!

Wow,I had no clue there was a V support group. Thanks!
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Old 08-25-2008, 07:05 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Yes, feel free to ask Steph(kandikid) if you have any questions! NOTHING offends or embarasses her!!

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Old 08-25-2008, 07:22 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Old 08-25-2008, 07:28 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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It is very normal to feel this way. I had to have a hysterectomy when DD was 6 wks old (not by choice, I am only 29, DD is 2 now) and I wanted to have more kids. I know exactly what you are feeling except mine can't be reversed.
My feelings seem to pass for the most part, but it always goes back. So do what is best for you and your family.
It will all work out!!! Just give it time!
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Old 08-26-2008, 06:11 AM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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I had a tubal and while it is very FINAL and it is sad to realize all the things you will never do again, I am at peace with it. I have 3 boys and I'm happy with that. I lost my mom at 19 so it is hard for me to realize I will never be in a mother/daughter relationship again, but having a daughter is not a cure all for that. My brother's girlfriend has a little girl we have known since she was 9 months old and she is more boyish than our boys. She wants to play football, watch wrestling, or go hunting. Ugh! Just because you have a girl it does not mean you will have a shopping buddy or someone to go to the salon with on Saturdays. I am pretty overwhelmed with 3 small kids and there is no way I would want another. I feel like I was a really good mom to 1 kid but I don't feel I am as patient and creative with three. My friend is pregnant with her 3rd (trying for a girl) and it turned out to be a boy and there is an issue where she is having to be followed closely. I think having a fear that the baby could be sick has shut off her desire for more. When it comes right down to it, a healthy baby is all that matters...or at least it should be. My sister's MIL once said (after she had two boys and THEN a girl) "I never knew love until I had a girl." If there was any way I would feel so biased against my boys there is no way I would even want a girl. I think that is sad
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Old 08-26-2008, 06:33 AM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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I am 24, I had my tubes tied at 23, I JUST turned 23 10 days before DS was born.

Oh my goodness I regret it. I will never have a little girl, with little bows, I will never be able to decorate a nursery, or buy newborn clothes... I want a double stroller mow, well because I will never be able to use one in the next few years! My oldest will be 5 in October! haha

It's normal, all too normal. *hugs* I am sorry hun.
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Old 08-26-2008, 06:56 AM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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You are very normal!!!

I had a tubal done about 8 years ago because my pregnancies are very difficult. I have alloimmune thrombcytopenia and for some reason my plateletes attack the baby's plateletes (similar to RH but with platelets) and I had to get weekly IV IgG therapy. It was not fun and was not a 100% guarantee. In fact I did have to deliver one at 29 weeks and he passed away. I just decided I never ever wanted to feel that pain again so I had a tubal done! It's a loss when that option is taken away and I had to grieve for that too. I'm still young enough that I still sometimes wish I could have another. But as my kids are getting older I'm enjoying new freedoms and someday will have grandkids to enjoy (and then send home when they're misbehaving).

So go ahead and grieve the loss, and if circumstances ever change and you're in a better place in your life Vs can be reversed!
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Old 08-26-2008, 12:20 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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I too think it is very normal. While my DH didnt have a "V" i had a tubal about 5 years ago. Sometime i go through my stages where i wish i could have another one. But i really do think my decision to have a tubal was the best decision. I have 3 kids. Two with my DH and one from a previous relationship. I really think DH goes through these stages alot more than me though, LOL He wants another boy(we have 2 girls and 1 boy). And my son has asked several times for a little brother. While that breaks my heart to not be able to give him a lil brother. Im pretty happy with my decision i had such a terrible pregnancy with my last one and have had 2 miscarriages so i just dont think i could go through all that again. But that doesnt mean that i dont miss is. But my oldest is almost 14 so it really wont be to long before i have grandkids, LOL
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Old 08-26-2008, 12:36 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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thank you for this thread. i was starting to think that dh and i are done DONE and ready for the big v. but after reading this i think i will wait a few more years and see how i feel. not when i am under stress from having three kids in three years.
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Old 08-26-2008, 12:46 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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DH had the "V" done almost 2 years ago. As I sit here and look at my DD I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have another. Then reality sit in with me. I always wanted only one child (a girl). I had my one and it was a boy. I was devesated for sometime because I knew I didn't want anymore. Well I met DH and things changed. He had no kids and did not want any. As time went on we decided to have one. After 2 miscarragies we ended up with our beautiful daughter Taylor. Even though those thoughts enter my mind from time to time I know it's not what I really want. DH is 42 and I'm 29. I have been a stay at home mom for almost 3 years and I would love to get back into the workforce oneday so having more is not an option for me.
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Old 08-28-2008, 01:26 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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I was thinking the same thing, my husband was suposed to get this done today but his apt got canceled due to the doctor ended up having to go into the hospital for soemthing, then my husband last apt a month ago got canceled due to the doctor having a emergency in his family, so i'm starting to think we are meant to have another baby..We have 4 boys right now all under the age of 8 ... I really thought we were done, His next apt is Sept 12..So we will see what happens
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Old 08-28-2008, 03:05 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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I do believe so..I go through that from time to time even at my age of 41. I had a hysterectomy in my late 20's and I have since divorced and re-married a wonderful man.

I also already had 2 son's and he had a daughter. Now that we have 2 grandchildren we just recently reflected on what it would have been like to have a child together....

Though we are blessed!
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Old 08-28-2008, 03:52 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Is this normal to morn that my pregnant days are over?

Yes this is very normal...I have 3 boys and always wanted 1 girl in my family. My oldest boy is in college and I'm still stopping to look at little girls clothes in the store. I've been doing this stop and look thing for years. My mom keeps telling me you don't have any girls...I say I know I just like to look at the pretty clothes.
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  #19  
Old 08-28-2008, 06:13 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Oh so normal. I had a tubal 3 years age after my 3rd son and a very rough pregnacy my other boys are almost 18 and 13. I still cry once in awhile knowing I'll never have another baby. I did get a grandbaby thanks to an ice storm and no power for 13 days and kids/me/son's girlfrind going to whichever house had power for any length of time it would come on go off etc. And being a grandma is great but different and I just turned 38 and have to go now for an abalation in 2 weeks so definately no more babies for me so said but probably for the best.
Good luck
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  #20  
Old 08-28-2008, 06:52 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Quote:
Originally Posted by puglyduckling View Post
You are very normal!!!

I had a tubal done about 8 years ago because my pregnancies are very difficult. I have alloimmune thrombcytopenia and for some reason my plateletes attack the baby's plateletes (similar to RH but with platelets) and I had to get weekly IV IgG therapy. It was not fun and was not a 100% guarantee. In fact I did have to deliver one at 29 weeks and he passed away. I just decided I never ever wanted to feel that pain again so I had a tubal done! It's a loss when that option is taken away and I had to grieve for that too. I'm still young enough that I still sometimes wish I could have another. But as my kids are getting older I'm enjoying new freedoms and someday will have grandkids to enjoy (and then send home when they're misbehaving).

So go ahead and grieve the loss, and if circumstances ever change and you're in a better place in your life Vs can be reversed!

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  #21  
Old 08-28-2008, 06:57 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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I still go by the baby clothes with glassed over eyes at all the cuteness. I still pass by the baby isle to get wipes (my youngest is five and yes we still use wipes for EVERYTHING) and I smell the baby powder or lotion once in a while.
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  #22  
Old 08-28-2008, 07:45 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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after 5 pregnancies in 4 years, 4 successful, one miscarriage, hubby and I decided on the big V. Birth control was not working and although I loved my babies dearly, 4 was enough and I did not want anymore. I have never regretted the decision one time. Funny thing, I was only 24 when we made the decision, I was going to have a tubal and my father pitched a fit! He said if hubby and I ever divorced the last thing I wanted was for him to go out and have more kids. The more I thought about that, the more it made sense So I told hubby he had to have the big V BTW~hubby and I are still married

I have had the baby blues, when my parents passed away a few years back, my kids were in their teens and I desperately wanted another child. Hubby and I even discussed a reversal. Thank God we did not go through with it! Here I am a few years later with 6 grandchildren and they are so much fun!

Another note to ponder, once the fear of pregnancy is gone, it makes for much better intimacy, atleast it did for me. Now I kow this is not the case for everyone, but it seemed like every time hubby and I even looked at each other I was expecting, so the big V took a lot of stress away for us

My oldest son, a member here at AFC just had the big V done, he is only 23 and has 2 daughters, he doesn't regret it a bit.
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  #23  
Old 08-28-2008, 07:51 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Quote:
Originally Posted by EileenWolter View Post
I am 24, I had my tubes tied at 23, I JUST turned 23 10 days before DS was born.

Oh my goodness I regret it. I will never have a little girl, with little bows, I will never be able to decorate a nursery, or buy newborn clothes... I want a double stroller mow, well because I will never be able to use one in the next few years! My oldest will be 5 in October! haha

It's normal, all too normal. *hugs* I am sorry hun.
Off topic, but my SIL is in NY, age 25, two kids and she wanted a tubal and the doctors would not perform it b/c she is too young and she may change her mind.

Anyone else hear of such a thing? Maybe the doctors can refuse to do it?
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  #24  
Old 08-28-2008, 07:53 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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There are age requirements in my area, but I am pretty sure it just depends on the doctor. My son's BIL is just 21 or 22 with one baby daughter and he just had it done a week or so after my son did.
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  #25  
Old 08-30-2008, 06:07 PM

RE: Ladies whose hubby had a "V".

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoccerMama View Post
Off topic, but my SIL is in NY, age 25, two kids and she wanted a tubal and the doctors would not perform it b/c she is too young and she may change her mind.

Anyone else hear of such a thing? Maybe the doctors can refuse to do it?
Yes... I have heard of such a thing....

Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyMarie View Post
There are age requirements in my area, but I am pretty sure it just depends on the doctor. My son's BIL is just 21 or 22 with one baby daughter and he just had it done a week or so after my son did.
I've never heard of an age limit for a V. Only for a tubal. I think docs are hesitant to do a tubal on a young woman in her 20's b/c it's not reversable.
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