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you know i am not much of a planner but i do like to have a general idea of what is happening at certain times so i can work around iit. so my mom decided that I should take my little brothers and sister shopping to phoenix. okay, fine. first it was she was paying it all.. then she says can you do gas. sure why not. then its food and gas... now its a room, gas, food, and entertainment...sigh. so ive been slowly raising funds with my little sister... my brothers are lazy and have to be told each...

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illl finish later

I always tell people who are upset or who have lost hope to just breathe... i think it works but lately its been hard to do that. I have so much drama inmy life. i dont know how to let go of an ex who is just bad for me because i feel safe in his arms when we sleep. i love his hugs. he tickles me and makes me smile when i want to give up but i know he isnt right for me... all my friends and family dont like him with me. but i love being around him...not at all times but most times. i know i cant...

i was thinking of how much i am disappointed in myself and what if... but then i recall little things that have happened during the hurtful times that i enjoyed. I was able to do alot and learn alot. i mean sure it isnt how i thought my life would end up but whos life ends up perfect? old friends are coming out from who knows where and i enjoy talking to them. they have all accomplished alot yet i sit here wondering what i did? i stare at the walls and see nothing but i know god would not have let...