Social Awkwardness--how Do I Make Friends As A Military Spouse

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Old 10-24-2009, 03:18 PM
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Help Sign Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

Okay, I went to a baby shower today. I was kinda miserable, so I left early. Now, I'm at home and sorta depressed. I really didn't feel like I was part of the group. I felt left out. I tried joining conversations and introducing myself to people I didn't know. It felt really awkward and I didn't feel that people were interested in anything I said. Also, it seemed that as soon I joined the conversation the people would go to others to talk. Am I a conversation killer?! It's not like I'm new to military life or meeting new people. Does anyone else feel this way? What can I do? Evidently, I'm socially inept!
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Old 10-24-2009, 03:22 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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OK, if your apart of AFC, we all know that you are WONDERFUL!!!! Maybe the babyshower wasn't the right situation. Try and find one person to get to know better, and then have them introduce you to the others. Thats what i did when i moved to the area i am at now. Good luck and i will be thinking of you!!!!
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Old 10-24-2009, 04:03 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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Old 10-24-2009, 04:08 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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I give you a lot of credit for being able to approach people and start conversations. I am very nervous around people. I hardly know any parents at my children's school because I can't bring myself to introduce myself. I am trying harder this year though. You are an awesome person and we are thankful to call you our friend here at AFC!
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Old 10-24-2009, 05:21 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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before i start, i would like to thank you for YOUR service to your country.

Now, maybe it wasn't you...maybe this just wasn't your kinda group of ladies. Or, maybe the spouse who left before you came was like the core of the group and now here you come...they might not know how you would fit in yet. Not your fault, but you may have some big shoes to fill in their eyes. Or maybe they belong on their own prime time reality show and you may want to run screaming! Military wives are a unique lot, very strong, self reliant and independent. They have to be. (but you know this!) But when they get close, they get really close. Not too many people can relate to the life of a Mil wife.

Are these women spouses from your dh's unit or are they neighbors in mil housing? It may make a difference, do you have to see them every day, or just on occasion? I would give it one more try, regardless. But if these are people you will not be interacting with frequently and they still do not warm up to you, then I would move on and find some other ladies to meet and just be socially polite to this group until they come to their senses and realize just how beautiful you are!

Where to meet others on base? Check out the family support group, red cross, or just look for the women with the big stacks of Q's in the commisary/bx. You know they are the "cool mommas!"
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Old 10-24-2009, 05:46 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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I'm sorry you are depressed I completely feel your pain. I am an Air Force wife and have been for 4 years now. People have always told me it would get easier. Well, it doesn't. At least for me it doesn't. I really don't know what the problem is. I am a people person, feel like I can talk to anyone and feel like I am a good friend to my friends. For some reason people think that those of us that are military spouses live on the set of "Army Wives", you know what I mean? Unfortunately, our lives are not like that. Most of us anyway. If you need to talk, pm me anytime. Hang in there and I hope you make some really awesome friends
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Old 10-24-2009, 06:26 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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Good for you that you were brave enough to go to the shower. That was the right step. Like someone said above try to pick out 1 person or maybe 2 and make conversation with them. Or if you are just listening to a conversation try to find something in common with someone and go from there. I am not military, but when I was single I had to move to a town where I knew no one, and had 2 little kids. You have to look for something in common and pursue that. Good luck
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Old 10-24-2009, 06:46 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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Originally Posted by mandarn View Post
People have always told me it would get easier. Well, it doesn't. At least for me it doesn't. I really don't know what the problem is. I am a people person, feel like I can talk to anyone and feel like I am a good friend to my friends.
I feel the same way! I really wish it would get easier....
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Old 10-24-2009, 06:49 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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Good for you for getting out! I know that can be hard when you don't know the people at a function very well. I say don't feel depressed. We all go to that one function where things just don't click. Trust me I've been there. I'm not in the military, but I think we all have experienced that. I've been to things where I just can't get a conversation going. It happens. You'll probably go to something else and have a great time. The key is not to beat yourself up. That's the worst thing to do to yourself! If I have a bad day I just tell myself there's nothing wrong with me. It was just an off day. Feel better!
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Old 10-24-2009, 07:09 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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Are these women spouses from your dh's unit or are they neighbors in mil housing? It may make a difference, do you have to see them every day, or just on occasion? I would give it one more try, regardless. But if these are people you will not be interacting with frequently and they still do not warm up to you, then I would move on and find some other ladies to meet and just be socially polite to this group until they come to their senses and realize just how beautiful you are!
Thank you Kaz! This is my second duty station with the dh. It's really a lot different compared to our last duty station. It was a smaller group (10-15), we all lived off base and we had a lot of interaction (weekly). This is training base, so you have a lot of people and a lot of turnover. The group was a mix of ladies from different squadrons that live mostly on base. I live off base, which makes it difficult to have interaction with them on a regular basis. I guess I just need to put myself out there more; no matter how difficult it is or how awkward I feel. Keep smiling on the outside, right?
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Old 10-24-2009, 07:19 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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Good for you for getting out! I know that can be hard when you don't know the people at a function very well. I say don't feel depressed. We all go to that one function where things just don't click. Trust me I've been there. I'm not in the military, but I think we all have experienced that. I've been to things where I just can't get a conversation going. It happens. You'll probably go to something else and have a great time. The key is not to beat yourself up. That's the worst thing to do to yourself! If I have a bad day I just tell myself there's nothing wrong with me. It was just an off day. Feel better!
Thank you! I do feel a lot better now. I had some pepperoni pizza and leftover birthday cake, so things are good. Now I'm going to watch some hulu and go to bed. But something that always makes me feel better after a bad day is my furbabies. That's my baby girl Mali as my avatar. She is so sweet that I can't help but smile at her.
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Old 10-24-2009, 07:43 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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No, it's not you at all. I've been there, done that. Sucks. Especially when the are talking right past you and not even giving you eye contact--and you've brought gifts! DH isn't in the military anymore and I still get the same thing. I think it just takes meeting the people many many times. Ugh. Good luck. Pm me if you ever need support/a friend! PS We had 2 furball babies (well 3) which were our babies until we had our own babies. Now we have both flesh and fur babies . In fact, they were all in the tub together tonight (well not the cat!)
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Old 01-02-2010, 02:39 PM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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I have a hard time when it's a group of wives that all have kids. We're young but don't have kids so we are kind of odd balls in the group. In my husband's MOS he's one of the youngest guys so the large majority of people are much old than us and of course have kids. One thing that really helps me is finding a message board for that area and meeting people that way. I'm on a board for aviation wives and most of my friends are from that but I have clicked with a few people from the troop. It is frustrating and now I'm worried about how I'll meet friends when he eventually leaves the army.
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Old 04-06-2010, 04:50 AM

RE: Social Awkwardness--how do I make friends as a military spouse

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I was an Army Officer's wife for 30 years and it never got "easy" for me. I just had to grin and bear it and do my "wife duties" most of the time. Out of 30 years, I developed 4 or 5 really close relationships with other wives. Those, however, lasted to this day. I think one problem with our military wives/spouses, is that it's hard to develop a lasting relationship with someone you know you won't be around for more than 3-4 years at the most. DH was in MI and we moved every 24-36 months. Just about the time I would make close friendships, we would move. I found out later that once I began working outside the home, a lot of the social stress lifted. Less was expected of me and I could relax. If I didn't want to be somewhere...I didn't go. I found that my independance gave me freedom from undesirable situations and allowed me to spend more time on the things I enjoyed. I sympathize with you completely...just try to make the most of it and know that there are those that came before you that can relate. It seems the military never changes and neither do the wives...Take care...you have the hardest job of all.
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