also Charliegirl, some times court is the best to resolve these issues. Judges can see beyond the ex's mean and hateful ways. Plus they will no doubt want to talk to your oldest child. I am sure he will let the court know how he feels and he shouldn't be scared. They are very nice about dealing with children. Make sure you keep a diary of everything that happens in regards to your ex. Don't say anything in front of children. Even though they have a way of knowing what is going on. I am sure they feel your pain. Hang in there like I said before it gets harder before it gets better. Hug those children daily and be blessed with what you have. Still will be praying for you and your kids.